Why? Why? Why? A Thousands Why's

Even though my sister died from breast cancer in 2018. I never knew what kind of impact having breast cancer would have on my own life. Today, I wish I knew what type of cancer she had, what stage she was in when she found out.  Why couldn't the doctor help her with her recovery? What would be the best questions to ask? Was her cancer an aggressive type? I never even knew there were so many different types and stages of breast cancer.  I still have a hard time understanding why cancer has impacted so many people.  Why do some people struggle and require aggressive treatments, while others require little? Why don't I hear more stories or conversations?  Why are some people more optimistic than others?  Is the thought of cancer still "taboo"...

Do people still look at cancer as a death sentence? After some reflection on this question, I believe I had the same feeling.  I was fearful at the thought of having cancer and it being a death sentence. Especially since my sister passed away from breast cancer. Even the different types of cancer are overwhelming. A member of my small group is in the beginning stages of cancer.  They are not sure what type of cancer it is or how aggressive it is.  Even in their case, there was some reluctance to talk about it. I have recently been exposed to more and more people who are having to deal with some type of cancer.  A young woman I met found out her father has cancer. Her family just had a walk for cancer awareness on the reservation.  My husband found out his father may have prostate cancer.  According to the American Cancer Society, they project an increase in cases of cancer exceeding two million in 2024.  That is almost 5,500 cancer diagnoses per day.  That is a lot to digest.  Early detection screening can help diagnose cancer.  Lifestyle and diet also play a big role in cancer prevention. 

I felt a great deal of encouragement from my orthodontist when he told me his mother was a breast cancer survivor, but when I went to my regular dentist, he didn't mention anything, and I felt as if I had a death sentence. I received the same reaction from some members of my church.  They didn't even talk to me; they just patted me on the back and moved on. I didn't know what to think.  Overall, most people have been very understanding and compassionate. 

I was also amazed at the number of people who I found have some sort of cancer.  There are at least four women in my bible study group who have had breast cancer.  Cancer awareness has also helped to generate funding for cancer research.  I have also learned that the survival rate for women who get breast cancer has increased. October is breast cancer awareness month. Cancer research is also more advanced than in the past.  New medications, research, and early detection can prevent breast cancer from spreading.

I am grateful I felt the urgency to seek my yearly physical.  If I had waited and prolonged going to the doctor, my outcome would have been far worse.  I am also grateful to the doctor who was persistent in looking at my images from different angles.  I know it was annoying not only to me but also to the technologist taking the breast images. It is also important to get a mammogram even though we might dislike it or see no point in getting one.  The bottom line is trust your instincts and trust God.

Scarlett

A New Day New Challenges

 

I am totally amazed at how God has worked in my recovery.  I had my first visit with the oncologist since my surgery.  Great news!  They removed all the cancer, and there was no cancer found in my lymph nodes.  What a blessing!  Although there is a slight chance of the cancer returning.  I didn't have to go through chemotherapy or radiation treatments.  Even there, I was surprised.  My oncologist told me I needed a bone density test because he was going to prescribe an estrogen blocker.  We discussed the side effects and the purpose of taking them.  Apparently, my body is producing too much estrogen, which feeds my type of cancer.  To be on the safe side and prevent the cancer from recurring, he recommended I take the estrogen blocker for at least two years. Since I've never felt the effects of going through menopause, I can't say I know what to expect.  I never had the dreaded hot flashes, which are one of the side effects of the estrogen blocker.  Mood swings (hmmm), not too sure about those either.  The other concern was how the lack of estrogen would affect my bone density, leading to osteoporosis. I don't really want to take medications for that, plus my dentist recommended an alternative. Taking Vitamin D, which I prefer. I really hate prescription drugs!!  The side effects of those seem worse than the original problem.  Yes, I'm still looking for something more natural.

I talked to my oncologist about the genetic testing results I had received and the possibility of also getting colon cancer. The idea of getting colon cancer scares me. What can I do now to prevent this from occurring?  He wanted me to obtain a copy of the test results so he could review them. I'm uncertain if this recommendation will change after he reads the results from the genetic testing. Since there is a possibility of also getting colon cancer.  

In the meantime, I have begun my physical therapy.  I go to a facility twice a week on the other side of town.  I wish the facility were closer to my side of the city.  Physical therapy is going well.  The staff is very friendly and knowledgeable.  The different stretches appear to be working, and I am beginning to regain more mobility and flexibility.  I am still walking a mile every day and have decreased my walking time from thirty minutes to twenty-six.  I am hoping to return to my regular routine, which I had in place before my surgery.  

I continue to trust in God and believe that He knows what is best for me and my life.  God, you are so good, all the time.   Going through this process has given me a deeper understanding of self-care and the importance of a healthy diet and exercise.  Seeking God daily through prayer is, of course, the central focus of my day.  Leaning on God for healing, wisdom, and guidance.

Scarlett

A Terrifying Day

 

Yesterday was a terrifying day for me.  I've been home for two weeks after the surgery.  I hadn't received the okay to drive from my surgeon.  I didn't even know if it was all right for me to drive.  I received a message from both my son and grandson asking if I could pick my granddaughter up from school.  My son asked this because I had an appointment with my doctor's physician's assistant.  I really needed the clearance from my other surgeon.  So, needless to say, I said I would try to pick her up. 

It felt good to be back behind the wheel of a car.  I wasn't using any prescription drugs, and I felt pretty good. My only concern was my reaction time, since I'm not 100% healed.  I was surprised the traffic wasn't heavy, and I was able to park under the solar panels for additional shade.  Thank God, the weather was not extremely hot, and everything went well.  We were on the road again and made it home safely.  I was actually feeling pretty good until after dinner.  I told my granddaughter it was going to be a fend-for-yourself night.  My husband was working late, and we had plenty of leftovers.  

I don't even know why I chose to eat.  I wasn't even hungry, plus I snacked on a couple of things just before dinner.  I had decided to eat my leftover burrito from this morning.  Added some salsa and began to consume my burrito.  Instantly, I noticed I was breaking out in some huge welts.  I told my granddaughter I thought I was having an allergic reaction to something I had eaten. I suddenly began to feel horrible.  I felt bloated and restless.  I didn't know what to do.  My brilliant idea was to go for a walk, hoping it would help.  

We walked down the street and rounded the corner. The weather was finally nice with a small breeze.  I could already tell something was wrong, but I continued to push forward.  As we walked further, I began to feel extremely cold, but I didn't want to quit.  My doctor wanted me to walk a mile every day.  We walked further, and I began to become very concerned.  I wasn't sure if I was able to make it home.

I felt extremely weak to the point of asking my granddaughter to carry my cell phone.  I was continuing to get worse.  I know, I'm so stubborn and could have turned around at that point. Nope, determined to make it on my own, I continued.  I did have my granddaughter call my husband.  He was on his way home from work.  I just didn't know how far away he was.  He told my granddaughter to find a place to sit and rest.  We made it around another corner and found a fence to rest against.  My body had begun shaking, and I was freezing cold.  Nothing could stop the coldness encompassing my body. I couldn't wait any longer and had to make it home.  When we were close to the house, I had my granddaughter run and open the door.  When I entered the house, I sat in my recliner and had her get my blanket.  I was so cold and shivering.  I didn't even know what was happening to my body. My granddaughter kept looking out the door to see when my husband would be home.

My husband finally arrived home.  I was trying to explain to him what happened and what I was feeling.  My granddaughter went and got a heavier blanket, and my husband gave me a muscle relaxer, hoping this would relieve my chills and the pain in my back.  He also put on a television show to help distract my mind from what was happening.  The medication began to take effect, and I was in and out of consciousness. 

I'm not exactly sure what happened to me.  I thought perhaps it was a heart attack, but I didn't have the symptoms of a heart attack.  My granddaughter and son were sick, so I could have been exposed to their sickness.  All I heard was "I'm not sick."  Another possibility is an allergic reaction to whatever I ate.

My husband also thought I might need to go to the hospital.  One thing is for sure: we were all concerned.  My husband believes I just pushed myself too hard.  This all happened the day before I was to have brunch with my mom to celebrate her birthday.  Fortunately, she came to pick me up because I was still kind of out of it.  It took some time for the muscle relaxer to work its way out of my body.  I didn't have to worry about picking my granddaughter up from school because it was Friday and her dad would pick her up for the weekend.

 Again, God has walked with me through this process. I am grateful for my granddaughter and husband; they have been here to support me through this process.  I'm not sure why God has been with us, but I'm hoping my granddaughter will look back and see how God has been with us every step of the way.

Scarlett

A New Dawn

 

After the surgery was completed, I was taken to the recovery room.  I don't really remember anything that happened while I was there.  I was then taken to a regular room.  I would be in the hospital for two days.  Making sure there were no complications from the surgery.  Monitors were attached to my breasts and, of course, my IV.

It was nice to see the family there.  It was encouraging to know they cared enough to be there.  Even though I don't remember everything.  My youngest granddaughter was busy doing her homework, or so we thought.  She just loves to milk time and hates schoolwork.  I know it was hard for my oldest granddaughter to be there, since her ex-boyfriend and the father of her baby lives across the street. She has always been my angel since the day she was born. I suffered from depression most of my life.  When she was born, she brought hope with her. I felt a new purpose for my life. We spent a lot of time together.  I couldn't wait to get home from work and hold her.  She was my lifeline. I didn't acknowledge God at that period of time, but looking back, I believe God sent her to save my life.  Life has never been easy for me, but having them there brought a sense of peace.  I truly felt as if God had answered my prayers.  I was also surprised to hear from my sister, the one who wished I had never mentioned having cancer. She called the day before I was admitted to the hospital and every day I was there. We had some good conversations, and she made me laugh.  She never came to visit me, even though I was close to where she lived. Of course, my mom didn't come because the hospital was far from her house, but she at least called.  I know she was concerned and prayed that everything went well.

The time in the hospital didn't seem long. This could be due to all the drugs I was taking.  The nurses were friendly and communicative.  I had a visit from my first surgeon, and she stated that everything looked good.  A visit from my second surgeon's physician's assistant also stopped by and said the same thing.  

I had one drain attached to each side, which removed any fluid from my breast that could cause any possible infection.  I'm guessing the nurses were surprised I didn't have four.  The nurses would come in twice a day to check my drains.  There was not much drainage while I was in the hospital.  I did ask the nurses and doctor if this was normal, and they said "yes".  When it was time for me to be discharged, the nurse showed my husband how to drain my drains.

Everything looked good, and I was released from the hospital and on my way back home.  My son had stopped by the house to rearrange the room, making it more easily accessible.  I was to use a walker for a few days.  

As the days passed, I found it extremely difficult to sleep since I could only sleep in an upright position.  I had purchased a wedge for my bed to help me sleep.  That didn't work well.  

My husband continued to check my drains each day.  There was still not much drainage.  When I went back to the doctor the following week.  He removed my drains.  I was surprised and could not believe this was happening so soon.  I've heard breast drains are usually left in for two to three weeks, and most people have more drainage.  I wondered if this was a good or bad thing.  I certainly was not looking for any complications from them being removed too early.  Although I was ecstatic at the news.  He also told me I needed to start walking one mile every day.

I am amazed and happy that everything looked good.  I still believe that the preparation of diet and exercise I undertook before the surgery was helpful. Most of all, the prayers I received from my church family and friends.  I could really sense their prayers.  I feel so blessed over how everything has gone. God is so so good!!!

Scarlett

The Big Day

 

The Big Day was finally here.  I woke up, took my shower, and got ready to leave for the hospital.  My son and grandchildren came to meet us at the hotel.  They would not allow my granddaughter to wait in the waiting room by herself.  After all, she was only twelve. So her dad came to sit with her in the waiting room. The woman who greeted us was a volunteer.  She was shocked and assumed everyone in our group was there to check in. Panic seemed to fill her until we told her that I was the only one checking in.  It was kind of funny.  Yes, my son and grandkids were there to support me.

 Her demeanor seemed to change when she realized it was only me. The hospital staff was very efficient and polite.  

I was called back quickly to complete registration.  Then we were escorted to the 4th floor for pre-op by the very same volunteer. She made it very clear there was limited space in that waiting room, with the possibility of having to go down to the larger waiting area if things got busier. 

 I was called back quickly. I didn't even have a chance to sit down before I was called to go and get my vitals taken.  Then to an area that looked like an emergency room.  Beds and curtains separated each patient.  The nurse entered and began preparing me for surgery.

She gave me a hospital gown to change into. It was freezing cold, so she brought me a nice warm blanket. She had stacks of items on the bedside table at the foot of my bed. She explained everything she was doing to me.  She administered them one item at a time.  Placed the IV into my hand (I nearly jumped out of bed). Ouch, that hurt!  She administered a shot to my leg, which was a blood thinner.  She put on white compression socks and then added another pair of ugly yellow socks.  Then she put on my fancy green compression "boots". Then she unwrapped a large cushion that was to be placed on my buttocks for added padding when I was on the surgical table. The nurse took an account of everything I had with me.  Counting the amount of cash I had, credit cards, and even the clothes I wore.   When I was almost done, the nurse called to have my husband come down before they took me to the surgical room.  The medications the nurse administered were beginning to take effect. I can truly say I was all doped up. 

The anesthesiologist entered the room and explained what she would be doing.  She was going to administer a nerve block to three areas of my torso. 

Soon after the anesthesiologist left the room, my surgeon came in.  I think he was surprised because my husband was praying over me when he walked into the room. He quietly and patiently waited until my husband was done praying. He then took a marker from my bedside table and began mapping out the areas to be removed.  He had asked my husband to block the curtains to prevent anyone from entering the room.  I felt very uncomfortable standing there while my surgeon drew (what I believe was) a diagram of where each incision would be placed.  My husband later said they were probably more reference points.

I don't remember much of what happened next.  All I know is that the nurse was wheeling me to the surgical room and directing my husband back to the waiting area.  When I arrived in the surgical room, I remember a group of people lifting me onto the surgical table.  The last thing I remembered was a woman placing something over my face.  She said to me, "It's okay, we're just giving you oxygen."  I think it was really the anesthesia that put me to sleep.  It was lights out.

Scarlett

An Unexpected Phone Call

I received a phone call from my doctor's office informing me that I had the opportunity to reschedule my surgery date.  This was a huge surprise.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I truly believe this is another sign that God is at work.  The only thing is that the surgery was just one week away.  I had to go down and sign authorization papers for the Diep flap surgery and take care of any other pre-op things.  My surgeon didn't waste any time sending in all the meds I would need after the surgery.  Seven prescriptions in all, ranging from pain meds to antibiotics.  I began receiving phone calls from the hospital, insurance company, and doctors' offices.  Things started to move very quickly. 

We also contacted the school office and teachers to let them know my granddaughter will be out of school for the entire week.  We didn't think she would be able to focus on her class work, knowing I was going through the surgery.  Plus, we didn't have a way to get her to and from school. Her teachers were also very supportive of our decision.  My husband decided to book a hotel room near the hospital, as it was located on the other side of town, since my check-in time was at 5:30 a.m.  This was a very stressful week.  So happy that everything is done and ready to move on to the next step.

My next step was to buy a bottle of Magnesium Citrate to clear my bowels, which wasn't much fun. The stuff tasted horrible, especially since it was cherry-flavored; you would think it would have tasted better. I had to drink the entire bottle. Then the fun began. You never knew when your next stop to the restroom would be. I wasn't quite sure if I would make it to the hotel before having to make another bathroom run. When we arrived at the hotel, we checked in, unloaded our luggage, and checked our room. We had noticed one of the amenities as we drove through the parking lot. The hotel apparently also had breakfast in the morning with a one-item limit. Unfortunately, I was unable to partake in their fine cuisine, as they did not start serving breakfast until 6:30 a.m. As we walked through the corridor, the lights were dim and the carpet was imprinted with the image of the lights above. Our room was at least clean, even though it had an unusual odor. After we settled in, we went to In-N-Out Burger to get something to eat.  I really like In-N-Out Burger, but even there, I could only eat so much. When we got back to the hotel, we decided to check out the pool.  It was a tiny swimming pool with a maximum of twenty-eight people. So small you could not even do laps, but it was also nice to relax by the pool and just sit there with my feet in the water, watching my granddaughter and husband swim (bummer I forgot to pack my swimsuit).  It was very quiet and peaceful.

 After returning to our room. I tried to relax and watch a movie, but I was either too anxious to watch the movie or sleep, perhaps it was the obstruction blocking my view of the TV. My husband kept putting his knee up and blocking my view. It definitely was not nice. It was nice not to be stressed about driving to the hospital and arriving on time. The only thing was that I was up every two hours, and didn't want to miss the wake-up time.

Even going through this time, I am grateful.  I feel as if God, has been preparing me for this time.  The change of diet and exercise.  The support of my children and grandchildren. Knowing my church family were praying for me was huge. Fear of the unknown can begin to take control if we let it, but I have chosen to place my trust in Jesus.  Praying every day for his will, peace and strength as I go through this period in my life.

Scarlett

Midnight Thoughts

 

It is early morning, and I'm having a difficult time sleeping.  Waking up to cramps in the foot doesn't help.  From what I'm guessing, it could be a lack of drinking enough water. Can't go back to sleep, so I thought I would just write. I know I need to get a good night's sleep.  This is a period of time when the body begins to heal itself.

I'm wrestling with the idea of my own mortality.  Life is so short in retrospect.  You never even consider that your life is coming to an end until you develop a terminal disease.  Then you begin asking yourself a million questions.  Why did this happen?  What did I do to deserve this?  Haven't I gone through enough trials in my life?  Why did this happen now when I was just starting to get my life together?  So many questions.

Ultimately, God is the author of our days. I know that going through suffering, trials, and tribulations develops our faith and gives us the strength to overcome the next situation or circumstance.  In the development of our faith, God walks with us through the difficulties we face and even sometimes carries us.  I am grateful that we never have to walk this journey alone.

We also need to trust God and His Sovereignty.  He has given us our family and friends to help us in these difficult times.

It's funny because my son and I were talking, and he wanted to know what my idea of a family was.  Something I haven't really experienced in my childhood.  Not a healthy one anyway.  I looked at family as a unit that supports and cares for one another emotionally and spiritually.  We have our biological family, friends we consider family, and our church family.  They can encourage and pray for us.  They can help take care of us by taking us to doctor's appointments, cooking, or helping to care for us during our recovery.  

I am grateful for my church family, who have continued to pray for me during this process.  This has been very encouraging for me.  I am grateful for God and his providence.  God always seems to know what I need and when I need it.

Scarlett