The End Of A Difficult Year

 It is hard to believe we have come to the end of another year.  A year filled with fear, hope, love, anger, depression, disappointments, and challenges.  I thank God every day for bringing me through these challenges. I am grateful for my family and friends who have prayed for me and have been there for me. I am also thankful for my pastor and my church family.

 Finding out I had cancer in June and all the decisions we had to make. The fear I felt, and the many nights I cried, not knowing where this diagnosis was going to lead me. The ups and downs of life, as well as the uncertainty of the future.  Even though I am cancer-free today, it does not mean that it will never return. I struggle with this fact, especially when I hear of someone else I know diagnosed with some form of cancer. I have been trying to learn as much as I can about this disease and how it can affect my family in the future. I have also tried fundraising for cancer research and helping cancer patients through the American Cancer Society.  This only added to my frustration; it seemed as if no one was interested, or it just didn't matter. I still try to understand why I developed cancer in the first place and how my DNA mutated.

It's even been harder to maintain a change in lifestyle, diet, and exercise, especially during the holidays.  I seemed to make it through Thanksgiving okay, but Christmas has been a little more challenging. All the snacks, parties, desserts, and foods are very tempting. Even when some of those gifts are given, or desserts are requested. I felt so disappointed when I found out I had gained four pounds. You begin eating desserts, and before you know it, you've eaten more than you realize.  The stresses of everyday life have also been difficult.  My son, his son, and his daughter have moved in with us temporarily.  It has been a difficult transition, as our lifestyles are extremely different.  I'm trying to refrain from all the junk food, fast food, and fried foods, which are what they consume.  The convenience of fast food has led to a huge decline in my own health. My husband tells me to continue cooking as I did before, and if they eat, that's good; if they don't, that's okay too.  

Although life is more stressful today than usual, I know I have nothing to fear, and it will not always be.  God is with me every day.  He is my firm foundation and my refuge.  God is faithful through all generations, and I am extremely grateful for all these things.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, "

                                                                                                                   Hebrews 12:28

Although this year has had many challenges and fears, it has also had love, hope, and healing. Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually.  This year has helped me to realize I have friends who care and are praying for me.  I have family who love me even when some days I feel alone and empty inside. We can not live life by our emotions because sometimes our emotions lie to us.  We need to trust in God and learn to live by that fact more than emotion.  I have hope for the coming year, no matters what happens God is with me always.  This is truth, not my truth but God's truth and that's what matters most.

Scarlett

Gratitude In All Things

 

Life has been pretty crazy lately.  So much has been happening, and sometimes I fear the stress may push me back to a negative space. Stress, for me, is not a good thing because it can trigger the release of cortisol. This can cause weight gain and other symptoms, such as fatigue, increased inflammation, and decreased immune function. Cortisol is the main hormone involved in glucose energy metabolism.  I don't even like the thought of gaining all my weight back. I have worked hard to lose over twenty pounds. It still amazes me how complex the body is and how it affects every part of us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I also don't have my quiet time anymore, where I spend time with God.  This is a priority for me, but I also don't want to segregate myself from my family. I need to regain my sense of balance in exercise and diet, and of course, my spiritual life. 

I have prayed for years that God would reconcile my family.  Sometimes I feel as if he is doing this through the cancer.  I get to see my children and grandchildren more often.  I also pray that they would come to receive God's love and salvation. 

I am also coming to terms with the fact that any other potential cancer I face is just a risk.  I still feel I need to maintain a healthy diet, exercise, and spend time in prayer and bible study.  As Thanksgiving approaches, I need to remember the many things for which I am grateful.  Even when life seems dark and hopeless.  I know I have all I really need, for God's grace is sufficient for me.

I continue to work out every day, even though I am not eating as healthy as I once was.  My weight continues to fluctuate, but I believe that as life begins to settle down, I will again regain my sense of peace.

As Thanksgiving approaches look for the Blessings in Everything around you.

Scarlett

Side Effect Blues

 

Today has been hard for me. I feel an overwhelming sadness to the point of just wanting to break down and cry. I've prayed and journaled about this feeling. I know I'm not alone on this journey.  God and my family are always with me.  I'm not sure if it's the medication or just life circumstances. Life has been very stressful lately.  My medication could also cause depression and mood swings. I don't like the thought of having to monitor my health for the rest of my life.  I have also had a lot of pain, not only in my breast but also in my leg. Which could also be a side effect of the medication.  I really don't want to have to change drugs and begin all over again. Most of all, I don't want to take another pill for depression.  After all, most medications have side effects, some more terrible than others. My other option is to not take the estrogen blocker and take the chance that the cancer will not recur. Continuing the path to healthy eating, exercise, prayer, and bible study. Which I would prefer. 

I am constantly learning something new about the medication I am taking.  Apparently, one side effect not on the list of side effects is stress urinary incontinence.  Lower estrogen can cause a weakening of the muscles and nerves that control the bladder, along with menopause and obesity.  Although not all women taking anastrozole are affected by stress urinary incontinence.  Fortunately, there are exercises you can do to help strengthen the muscles around the pelvic floor. Knowledge is key, and learning new ways to maintain it is important.

It has also occurred to me that our emotions can also have an effect on our overall health.  I remember hearing many years ago how stress can cause chronic diseases. I believe this to be true; anxiety, anger, unforgiveness, and many other emotions can lead to many health issues.  All of which can lead to depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and many other vices.  All is a subject for another time.

The good news is I no longer need to go to physical therapy twice a week.  Only once a week for the next three weeks.  I'm ready for this to be finished.  I can do all these stretches at home.  The most important part was the message therapy to my breast to soften the breast tissue and get the blood circulating.  The message also helped with reducing the scar tissue.  It has also been interesting talking to the physical therapists.  I was curious as to why they chose breast reconstruction therapy; both therapist said their mothers had breast cancer.  One survived and the other passed away, but both young women wanted to help other women going through reconstructive surgery.

 I still have many appointments scheduled for the next few weeks.  I have to undergo a CT scan, a consultation with a GI specialist and a gynecologist/oncologist, as well as additional lab work. I also canceled my appointment with the genetic counselor.  My insurance company will not cover the consultation, so I need to explore alternative options.

I am grateful for God because God is good all the time.  No matter what life throws at me, I know God will use it for my good and the good of others.  To grow my faith, strengthen me, and lead me to be more like his son, Jesus. To spread the good news or just as a lesson in life. Stay focused on God always.

Scarlett

The Oncologist

 I must admit I am struggling emotionally today.  I spoke with my oncologist today, and he shared the results of my genomic testing with me.  Not only do I have the risk of colon cancer, but also pancreatic and ovarian cancer.  Can I ever get a break???  My cholesterol levels are elevated and, of course, my favorite fatty liver. I feel like my health is sliding out of control.  I have changed my diet and have been exercising, but nothing seems to be helping.  My eyesight is also deteriorating.  I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up.  I understand that some of the cancer results are just risks.  My oncologist has also referred me to a genomic counselor to review the test results to help me gain a better understanding of them. Another problem is that my insurance does not cover genetic counseling. Plus, the results of the bone density test.  Apparently, I also have osteopenia, low bone density.  This could lead to osteoporosis. In taking an estrogen blocker, my bone density will need to be monitored more often, and I need to be mindful that it is easier to break a bone. ( I guess playing any type of sport is out) Fortunately, this can be reversed, again through a combination of diet and exercise.  I am seeing a recurring theme here. I also have a referral to a gynecologist/oncologist to check my pelvis and ovaries.  Once again, I need to have those lovely pap smears (Ugh) and lab work to check my pancreas. All of this is quite overwhelming.  My husband is questioning all the testing.  Is it really necessary...

I had my visit with my breast reconstruction surgeon, and he said all restrictions have been lifted.  I can do all the things I did before the surgery.  This has been good news for me.  He also told me I would need to schedule another appointment in six weeks to discuss a second surgery. This surgery was intended to make any changes I wanted, such as adding nipples, removing any scarring, and making my breasts asymmetrical.

I have also begun taking the estrogen blocker Anastrozole.  I am just waiting to see what type of side effects it will have on me.  Hopefully, there should be none, as this medication can cause bone loss. I also need to go back to my original diet before the surgery. I feel as if I'm going down the same path that led me to the cancer. It is so much easier to consume food out of convenience than to prepare a healthier meal.  I need to remain focused on my health and spiritual life rather than what is easy.

Scarlett

A Terrifying Day

 

Yesterday was a terrifying day for me.  I've been home for two weeks after the surgery.  I hadn't received the okay to drive from my surgeon.  I didn't even know if it was all right for me to drive.  I received a message from both my son and grandson asking if I could pick my granddaughter up from school.  My son asked this because I had an appointment with my doctor's physician's assistant.  I really needed the clearance from my other surgeon.  So, needless to say, I said I would try to pick her up. 

It felt good to be back behind the wheel of a car.  I wasn't using any prescription drugs, and I felt pretty good. My only concern was my reaction time, since I'm not 100% healed.  I was surprised the traffic wasn't heavy, and I was able to park under the solar panels for additional shade.  Thank God, the weather was not extremely hot, and everything went well.  We were on the road again and made it home safely.  I was actually feeling pretty good until after dinner.  I told my granddaughter it was going to be a fend-for-yourself night.  My husband was working late, and we had plenty of leftovers.  

I don't even know why I chose to eat.  I wasn't even hungry, plus I snacked on a couple of things just before dinner.  I had decided to eat my leftover burrito from this morning.  Added some salsa and began to consume my burrito.  Instantly, I noticed I was breaking out in some huge welts.  I told my granddaughter I thought I was having an allergic reaction to something I had eaten. I suddenly began to feel horrible.  I felt bloated and restless.  I didn't know what to do.  My brilliant idea was to go for a walk, hoping it would help.  

We walked down the street and rounded the corner. The weather was finally nice with a small breeze.  I could already tell something was wrong, but I continued to push forward.  As we walked further, I began to feel extremely cold, but I didn't want to quit.  My doctor wanted me to walk a mile every day.  We walked further, and I began to become very concerned.  I wasn't sure if I was able to make it home.

I felt extremely weak to the point of asking my granddaughter to carry my cell phone.  I was continuing to get worse.  I know, I'm so stubborn and could have turned around at that point. Nope, determined to make it on my own, I continued.  I did have my granddaughter call my husband.  He was on his way home from work.  I just didn't know how far away he was.  He told my granddaughter to find a place to sit and rest.  We made it around another corner and found a fence to rest against.  My body had begun shaking, and I was freezing cold.  Nothing could stop the coldness encompassing my body. I couldn't wait any longer and had to make it home.  When we were close to the house, I had my granddaughter run and open the door.  When I entered the house, I sat in my recliner and had her get my blanket.  I was so cold and shivering.  I didn't even know what was happening to my body. My granddaughter kept looking out the door to see when my husband would be home.

My husband finally arrived home.  I was trying to explain to him what happened and what I was feeling.  My granddaughter went and got a heavier blanket, and my husband gave me a muscle relaxer, hoping this would relieve my chills and the pain in my back.  He also put on a television show to help distract my mind from what was happening.  The medication began to take effect, and I was in and out of consciousness. 

I'm not exactly sure what happened to me.  I thought perhaps it was a heart attack, but I didn't have the symptoms of a heart attack.  My granddaughter and son were sick, so I could have been exposed to their sickness.  All I heard was "I'm not sick."  Another possibility is an allergic reaction to whatever I ate.

My husband also thought I might need to go to the hospital.  One thing is for sure: we were all concerned.  My husband believes I just pushed myself too hard.  This all happened the day before I was to have brunch with my mom to celebrate her birthday.  Fortunately, she came to pick me up because I was still kind of out of it.  It took some time for the muscle relaxer to work its way out of my body.  I didn't have to worry about picking my granddaughter up from school because it was Friday and her dad would pick her up for the weekend.

 Again, God has walked with me through this process. I am grateful for my granddaughter and husband; they have been here to support me through this process.  I'm not sure why God has been with us, but I'm hoping my granddaughter will look back and see how God has been with us every step of the way.

Scarlett

Battlelines Have Been Drawn: Healthy vs. Unhealthy

 

It's funny how things like cancer or any other serious diseases can cause us to reevaluate our lives.  As a woman of faith, I began looking at things introspectively many years ago.  Although, I've never been very good at it.  It is so easy to look through the lens of what others do than yourself.  

We continue to live our lives as if nothing will ever go wrong or bad.  I was already heading on a collision course with my own health.  I've had many warning signs, but never really took them seriously.  I had my gallbladder removed in 2014.  It looked like a precursor to where I am today.  I know it was due to my extremely healthy diet of deep fried foods (which I absolutely love), breads, and of course, the dreaded dessert.  There was really nothing healthy about my diet.  Vegetables (yuck), fruits are about the only thing I really liked.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think eating junk food or the lack of fruits and vegetables would rear its ugly head and take me down.  

My doctor warned me about not eating a healthy diet.  Eating fast food didn't help my cause either plus all the processed foods.  I counted it all good that I didn't smoke or drink alcohol.  I never even understood why my metabolism had shut down.  The body is a very complex thing.  It can take a lot of abuse but will eventually come to the point of resistance and fail.

I used to walk with my sister and mom many years ago.  Now my sister is gone and my mom can no longer really walk very far.  It's always nicer to have a walking partner, someone to talk to while your walking.  I did walk with a friend, but that wasn't good since she would always talk to someone else on the phone.  I might as well have been walking on my own.  Of course, my husband hates walking in the city because it affects his joints.  So I started exercising indoors, but don' t think I ever got my heart rate high enough to burn off any of the calories I consumed each day.  I think I was never able to lose my weight because I ate more than what I could burn off in a day.  

Needless to say, the change of diet has begun to help.  Eating more fruits and vegetables and less carbs.  I do partake in something sweet to eat every now and then, but not at the level I once did.  I try to jog in place every day and do ten minutes of HIIT exercises.  I needed to also find a way to strengthen my core.  Turning down unhealthy foods every day is getting much easier and the taste of vegetables is getting much better.  I don't really have a lot of sugar craving and my emotional state has started too improve.  Hopefully, eating healthier will also reverse any cell damage created by my unhealthy choices.

I think of the Daniel Diet and the book of Daniel where Daniel challenges the kings servant to let him only eat fruits and vegetables instead of all the rich delicacies offered to him.  Nothing could compare to how much healthier he looked when the challenge was over.

I believe we are given these bodies to take care off as God's living temple.  What better way to express our gratitude for what God has given us than to take care of the things he has given us.  Life is definitely to short to live for the moment. For me, I know I need to make a conscience decision to eat right, exercise and pray daily.

Scarlett