Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would be diagnosed with cancer. Even though my sister had cancer. I never truly understood what it meant or would mean for my own life. I never had the opportunity to understand what my sister went through. I wanted to be a part of her journey, but it was too late. We only had a couple of years to spend with each other. I wish I could have spent more time with her, but the times we did share are now special to me. I love her and miss her, even though we had our moments of anger, disagreements and separation. She was strong and beautiful and lived life to the fullest. Most of all she was young. She was the baby of the family and of course, extremely spoiled in my opinion. I was happy to be able to grant some of her last wishes.
As I write this, I think about my own journey in life and how my choices have brought me joys, struggles, and challenges. How God has walked with me and has even carried me through these times. Through the hills and valleys of life.
Today, I think about the people in my life and how each one has changed me and helped me to grow into the person I am today. I never thought of myself as a strong person, yet people have told me I am.
It was hard to tell my family I was diagnosed with cancer, especially my mom. She took care of my sister and saw what cancer had done to her body. It's never easy to watch your daughter slowly dying and now she has to go through this again with another daughter. My other sister and son wanted me to keep my diagnosis a secret. Possibly due to fear, I'm not sure. How much more devastating would it be to watch someone going through a terminal illness and not know. No, for me truth is always the best answer.
My mom was impacted the most by my news. She just wanted to die and I believe began falling further into a depression, since she never fully got over the death of my sister and dad. I had to reassure her that my recovery rate was better than that of my sister since the cancer was detected early. I hope and pray this fact remains true.
I had always hoped these types of situations would draw us closer together as a family. Twice I made this mistake. Once when my sister passed away and second when my dad passed away. Both drove everyone further apart. I always have hope, one day situations like this will draw us closer. I continue to pray for reconciliation for the family. For me, I need God foremost and the support and encouragement from friends and family to beat this disease. I will always remember my sister saying, "It's all about love, love, love" and the joy she had when she said it.
While most days, I feel as if I'm walking this journey alone, I know in my heart I'm not. I have God and my husband who are walking with me though this period in my life.
Scarlett
No comments:
Post a Comment