Side Effect Blues

 

Today has been hard for me. I feel an overwhelming sadness to the point of just wanting to break down and cry. I've prayed and journaled about this feeling. I know I'm not alone on this journey.  God and my family are always with me.  I'm not sure if it's the medication or just life circumstances. Life has been very stressful lately.  My medication could also cause depression and mood swings. I don't like the thought of having to monitor my health for the rest of my life.  I have also had a lot of pain, not only in my breast but also in my leg. Which could also be a side effect of the medication.  I really don't want to have to change drugs and begin all over again. Most of all, I don't want to take another pill for depression.  After all, most medications have side effects, some more terrible than others. My other option is to not take the estrogen blocker and take the chance that the cancer will not recur. Continuing the path to healthy eating, exercise, prayer, and bible study. Which I would prefer. 

I am constantly learning something new about the medication I am taking.  Apparently, one side effect not on the list of side effects is stress urinary incontinence.  Lower estrogen can cause a weakening of the muscles and nerves that control the bladder, along with menopause and obesity.  Although not all women taking anastrozole are affected by stress urinary incontinence.  Fortunately, there are exercises you can do to help strengthen the muscles around the pelvic floor. Knowledge is key, and learning new ways to maintain it is important.

It has also occurred to me that our emotions can also have an effect on our overall health.  I remember hearing many years ago how stress can cause chronic diseases. I believe this to be true; anxiety, anger, unforgiveness, and many other emotions can lead to many health issues.  All of which can lead to depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and many other vices.  All is a subject for another time.

The good news is I no longer need to go to physical therapy twice a week.  Only once a week for the next three weeks.  I'm ready for this to be finished.  I can do all these stretches at home.  The most important part was the message therapy to my breast to soften the breast tissue and get the blood circulating.  The message also helped with reducing the scar tissue.  It has also been interesting talking to the physical therapists.  I was curious as to why they chose breast reconstruction therapy; both therapist said their mothers had breast cancer.  One survived and the other passed away, but both young women wanted to help other women going through reconstructive surgery.

 I still have many appointments scheduled for the next few weeks.  I have to undergo a CT scan, a consultation with a GI specialist and a gynecologist/oncologist, as well as additional lab work. I also canceled my appointment with the genetic counselor.  My insurance company will not cover the consultation, so I need to explore alternative options.

I am grateful for God because God is good all the time.  No matter what life throws at me, I know God will use it for my good and the good of others.  To grow my faith, strengthen me, and lead me to be more like his son, Jesus. To spread the good news or just as a lesson in life. Stay focused on God always.

Scarlett

The Oncologist

 I must admit I am struggling emotionally today.  I spoke with my oncologist today, and he shared the results of my genomic testing with me.  Not only do I have the risk of colon cancer, but also pancreatic and ovarian cancer.  Can I ever get a break???  My cholesterol levels are elevated and, of course, my favorite fatty liver. I feel like my health is sliding out of control.  I have changed my diet and have been exercising, but nothing seems to be helping.  My eyesight is also deteriorating.  I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up.  I understand that some of the cancer results are just risks.  My oncologist has also referred me to a genomic counselor to review the test results to help me gain a better understanding of them. Another problem is that my insurance does not cover genetic counseling. Plus, the results of the bone density test.  Apparently, I also have osteopenia, low bone density.  This could lead to osteoporosis. In taking an estrogen blocker, my bone density will need to be monitored more often, and I need to be mindful that it is easier to break a bone. ( I guess playing any type of sport is out) Fortunately, this can be reversed, again through a combination of diet and exercise.  I am seeing a recurring theme here. I also have a referral to a gynecologist/oncologist to check my pelvis and ovaries.  Once again, I need to have those lovely pap smears (Ugh) and lab work to check my pancreas. All of this is quite overwhelming.  My husband is questioning all the testing.  Is it really necessary...

I had my visit with my breast reconstruction surgeon, and he said all restrictions have been lifted.  I can do all the things I did before the surgery.  This has been good news for me.  He also told me I would need to schedule another appointment in six weeks to discuss a second surgery. This surgery was intended to make any changes I wanted, such as adding nipples, removing any scarring, and making my breasts asymmetrical.

I have also begun taking the estrogen blocker Anastrozole.  I am just waiting to see what type of side effects it will have on me.  Hopefully, there should be none, as this medication can cause bone loss. I also need to go back to my original diet before the surgery. I feel as if I'm going down the same path that led me to the cancer. It is so much easier to consume food out of convenience than to prepare a healthier meal.  I need to remain focused on my health and spiritual life rather than what is easy.

Scarlett

Faith in God

 

It has been seven weeks since my surgery.  I am finally able to sleep on my side.  I am so excited! No more bed wedges, recliners, or just plain sleeping on my back. I am finally able to turn. Yeah!!!  I know this is a small win, but I'll take it.  I don't even feel as much pain getting out of bed each morning.  Although I have been experiencing some pain in the left side of my abdomen whenever I bend or move in certain positions.

I went to physical therapy today and discussed this with my therapist.  When she examined my abdomen, she said it could be an air pocket.  How could this happen? I wondered.  She massaged my abdomen, arms, and breasts. She checked my wounds and said everything was looking good.  I then finished my PT with my usual stretches.

I had always thought physical therapy was a waste of time and money.  Plus, the drive was long for the amount of time I was there.  I now see the benefits of going, even though I felt it was inconvenient.  I can see how important it is for overall health and healing.  I have really been trying to do exactly what the doctors tell me to do.  

Going through breast cancer has helped me to see how diet and exercise are important in my overall health.  I have attempted to teach young children about healthy eating habits and exercise for years, but I have never practiced eating healthy myself.  I was always active, but over the past several years, not so much.  I started to consume more food than I exercised and gained so much weight, even to the point of being considered obese.  I can't even say I felt good being overweight.  From my understanding, this is one of the leading reasons for certain types of cancer. Obesity can lead to the production of increased insulin, inflammation, and estrogen. Too much estrogen is what fed my cancer.

A couple of years ago, I started investigating the reasons why my metabolism had slowed down.  I might have developed insulin resistance, so I started intermittent fasting. Not even realizing how insulin resistance affected many areas of the body, including diabetes. I thought I would have developed diabetes long before cancer.  I always felt I had the symptoms of diabetes, but testing for diabetes always came back negative. Thank God, I'm not sure which would be worse, cancer or diabetes.

 I am still working on eating healthier and exercising, praying daily and studying my bible.  I think these are the core foundations of a lifestyle change I need to continue in my life.  My faith in God has brought me much hope in the healing process. God continues to walk with me daily, and I know I would never have been able to get through this time without God and my family. Prayers from my church family have also been crucial to my healing. Through my church family I have been able to experience the love of Christ.

Scarlett

Why? Why? Why? A Thousands Why's

Even though my sister died from breast cancer in 2018. I never knew what kind of impact having breast cancer would have on my own life. Today, I wish I knew what type of cancer she had, what stage she was in when she found out.  Why couldn't the doctor help her with her recovery? What would be the best questions to ask? Was her cancer an aggressive type? I never even knew there were so many different types and stages of breast cancer.  I still have a hard time understanding why cancer has impacted so many people.  Why do some people struggle and require aggressive treatments, while others require little? Why don't I hear more stories or conversations?  Why are some people more optimistic than others?  Is the thought of cancer still "taboo"...

Do people still look at cancer as a death sentence? After some reflection on this question, I believe I had the same feeling.  I was fearful at the thought of having cancer and it being a death sentence. Especially since my sister passed away from breast cancer. Even the different types of cancer are overwhelming. A member of my small group is in the beginning stages of cancer.  They are not sure what type of cancer it is or how aggressive it is.  Even in their case, there was some reluctance to talk about it. I have recently been exposed to more and more people who are having to deal with some type of cancer.  A young woman I met found out her father has cancer. Her family just had a walk for cancer awareness on the reservation.  My husband found out his father may have prostate cancer.  According to the American Cancer Society, they project an increase in cases of cancer exceeding two million in 2024.  That is almost 5,500 cancer diagnoses per day.  That is a lot to digest.  Early detection screening can help diagnose cancer.  Lifestyle and diet also play a big role in cancer prevention. 

I felt a great deal of encouragement from my orthodontist when he told me his mother was a breast cancer survivor, but when I went to my regular dentist, he didn't mention anything, and I felt as if I had a death sentence. I received the same reaction from some members of my church.  They didn't even talk to me; they just patted me on the back and moved on. I didn't know what to think.  Overall, most people have been very understanding and compassionate. 

I was also amazed at the number of people who I found have some sort of cancer.  There are at least four women in my bible study group who have had breast cancer.  Cancer awareness has also helped to generate funding for cancer research.  I have also learned that the survival rate for women who get breast cancer has increased. October is breast cancer awareness month. Cancer research is also more advanced than in the past.  New medications, research, and early detection can prevent breast cancer from spreading.

I am grateful I felt the urgency to seek my yearly physical.  If I had waited and prolonged going to the doctor, my outcome would have been far worse.  I am also grateful to the doctor who was persistent in looking at my images from different angles.  I know it was annoying not only to me but also to the technologist taking the breast images. It is also important to get a mammogram even though we might dislike it or see no point in getting one.  The bottom line is trust your instincts and trust God.

Scarlett

A New Day New Challenges

 

I am totally amazed at how God has worked in my recovery.  I had my first visit with the oncologist since my surgery.  Great news!  They removed all the cancer, and there was no cancer found in my lymph nodes.  What a blessing!  Although there is a slight chance of the cancer returning.  I didn't have to go through chemotherapy or radiation treatments.  Even there, I was surprised.  My oncologist told me I needed a bone density test because he was going to prescribe an estrogen blocker.  We discussed the side effects and the purpose of taking them.  Apparently, my body is producing too much estrogen, which feeds my type of cancer.  To be on the safe side and prevent the cancer from recurring, he recommended I take the estrogen blocker for at least two years. Since I've never felt the effects of going through menopause, I can't say I know what to expect.  I never had the dreaded hot flashes, which are one of the side effects of the estrogen blocker.  Mood swings (hmmm), not too sure about those either.  The other concern was how the lack of estrogen would affect my bone density, leading to osteoporosis. I don't really want to take medications for that, plus my dentist recommended an alternative. Taking Vitamin D, which I prefer. I really hate prescription drugs!!  The side effects of those seem worse than the original problem.  Yes, I'm still looking for something more natural.

I talked to my oncologist about the genetic testing results I had received and the possibility of also getting colon cancer. The idea of getting colon cancer scares me. What can I do now to prevent this from occurring?  He wanted me to obtain a copy of the test results so he could review them. I'm uncertain if this recommendation will change after he reads the results from the genetic testing. Since there is a possibility of also getting colon cancer.  

In the meantime, I have begun my physical therapy.  I go to a facility twice a week on the other side of town.  I wish the facility were closer to my side of the city.  Physical therapy is going well.  The staff is very friendly and knowledgeable.  The different stretches appear to be working, and I am beginning to regain more mobility and flexibility.  I am still walking a mile every day and have decreased my walking time from thirty minutes to twenty-six.  I am hoping to return to my regular routine, which I had in place before my surgery.  

I continue to trust in God and believe that He knows what is best for me and my life.  God, you are so good, all the time.   Going through this process has given me a deeper understanding of self-care and the importance of a healthy diet and exercise.  Seeking God daily through prayer is, of course, the central focus of my day.  Leaning on God for healing, wisdom, and guidance.

Scarlett

A Terrifying Day

 

Yesterday was a terrifying day for me.  I've been home for two weeks after the surgery.  I hadn't received the okay to drive from my surgeon.  I didn't even know if it was all right for me to drive.  I received a message from both my son and grandson asking if I could pick my granddaughter up from school.  My son asked this because I had an appointment with my doctor's physician's assistant.  I really needed the clearance from my other surgeon.  So, needless to say, I said I would try to pick her up. 

It felt good to be back behind the wheel of a car.  I wasn't using any prescription drugs, and I felt pretty good. My only concern was my reaction time, since I'm not 100% healed.  I was surprised the traffic wasn't heavy, and I was able to park under the solar panels for additional shade.  Thank God, the weather was not extremely hot, and everything went well.  We were on the road again and made it home safely.  I was actually feeling pretty good until after dinner.  I told my granddaughter it was going to be a fend-for-yourself night.  My husband was working late, and we had plenty of leftovers.  

I don't even know why I chose to eat.  I wasn't even hungry, plus I snacked on a couple of things just before dinner.  I had decided to eat my leftover burrito from this morning.  Added some salsa and began to consume my burrito.  Instantly, I noticed I was breaking out in some huge welts.  I told my granddaughter I thought I was having an allergic reaction to something I had eaten. I suddenly began to feel horrible.  I felt bloated and restless.  I didn't know what to do.  My brilliant idea was to go for a walk, hoping it would help.  

We walked down the street and rounded the corner. The weather was finally nice with a small breeze.  I could already tell something was wrong, but I continued to push forward.  As we walked further, I began to feel extremely cold, but I didn't want to quit.  My doctor wanted me to walk a mile every day.  We walked further, and I began to become very concerned.  I wasn't sure if I was able to make it home.

I felt extremely weak to the point of asking my granddaughter to carry my cell phone.  I was continuing to get worse.  I know, I'm so stubborn and could have turned around at that point. Nope, determined to make it on my own, I continued.  I did have my granddaughter call my husband.  He was on his way home from work.  I just didn't know how far away he was.  He told my granddaughter to find a place to sit and rest.  We made it around another corner and found a fence to rest against.  My body had begun shaking, and I was freezing cold.  Nothing could stop the coldness encompassing my body. I couldn't wait any longer and had to make it home.  When we were close to the house, I had my granddaughter run and open the door.  When I entered the house, I sat in my recliner and had her get my blanket.  I was so cold and shivering.  I didn't even know what was happening to my body. My granddaughter kept looking out the door to see when my husband would be home.

My husband finally arrived home.  I was trying to explain to him what happened and what I was feeling.  My granddaughter went and got a heavier blanket, and my husband gave me a muscle relaxer, hoping this would relieve my chills and the pain in my back.  He also put on a television show to help distract my mind from what was happening.  The medication began to take effect, and I was in and out of consciousness. 

I'm not exactly sure what happened to me.  I thought perhaps it was a heart attack, but I didn't have the symptoms of a heart attack.  My granddaughter and son were sick, so I could have been exposed to their sickness.  All I heard was "I'm not sick."  Another possibility is an allergic reaction to whatever I ate.

My husband also thought I might need to go to the hospital.  One thing is for sure: we were all concerned.  My husband believes I just pushed myself too hard.  This all happened the day before I was to have brunch with my mom to celebrate her birthday.  Fortunately, she came to pick me up because I was still kind of out of it.  It took some time for the muscle relaxer to work its way out of my body.  I didn't have to worry about picking my granddaughter up from school because it was Friday and her dad would pick her up for the weekend.

 Again, God has walked with me through this process. I am grateful for my granddaughter and husband; they have been here to support me through this process.  I'm not sure why God has been with us, but I'm hoping my granddaughter will look back and see how God has been with us every step of the way.

Scarlett

The Big Day

 

The Big Day was finally here.  I woke up, took my shower, and got ready to leave for the hospital.  My son and grandchildren came to meet us at the hotel.  They would not allow my granddaughter to wait in the waiting room by herself.  After all, she was only twelve. So her dad came to sit with her in the waiting room. The woman who greeted us was a volunteer.  She was shocked and assumed everyone in our group was there to check in. Panic seemed to fill her until we told her that I was the only one checking in.  It was kind of funny.  Yes, my son and grandkids were there to support me.

 Her demeanor seemed to change when she realized it was only me. The hospital staff was very efficient and polite.  

I was called back quickly to complete registration.  Then we were escorted to the 4th floor for pre-op by the very same volunteer. She made it very clear there was limited space in that waiting room, with the possibility of having to go down to the larger waiting area if things got busier. 

 I was called back quickly. I didn't even have a chance to sit down before I was called to go and get my vitals taken.  Then to an area that looked like an emergency room.  Beds and curtains separated each patient.  The nurse entered and began preparing me for surgery.

She gave me a hospital gown to change into. It was freezing cold, so she brought me a nice warm blanket. She had stacks of items on the bedside table at the foot of my bed. She explained everything she was doing to me.  She administered them one item at a time.  Placed the IV into my hand (I nearly jumped out of bed). Ouch, that hurt!  She administered a shot to my leg, which was a blood thinner.  She put on white compression socks and then added another pair of ugly yellow socks.  Then she put on my fancy green compression "boots". Then she unwrapped a large cushion that was to be placed on my buttocks for added padding when I was on the surgical table. The nurse took an account of everything I had with me.  Counting the amount of cash I had, credit cards, and even the clothes I wore.   When I was almost done, the nurse called to have my husband come down before they took me to the surgical room.  The medications the nurse administered were beginning to take effect. I can truly say I was all doped up. 

The anesthesiologist entered the room and explained what she would be doing.  She was going to administer a nerve block to three areas of my torso. 

Soon after the anesthesiologist left the room, my surgeon came in.  I think he was surprised because my husband was praying over me when he walked into the room. He quietly and patiently waited until my husband was done praying. He then took a marker from my bedside table and began mapping out the areas to be removed.  He had asked my husband to block the curtains to prevent anyone from entering the room.  I felt very uncomfortable standing there while my surgeon drew (what I believe was) a diagram of where each incision would be placed.  My husband later said they were probably more reference points.

I don't remember much of what happened next.  All I know is that the nurse was wheeling me to the surgical room and directing my husband back to the waiting area.  When I arrived in the surgical room, I remember a group of people lifting me onto the surgical table.  The last thing I remembered was a woman placing something over my face.  She said to me, "It's okay, we're just giving you oxygen."  I think it was really the anesthesia that put me to sleep.  It was lights out.

Scarlett

An Unexpected Phone Call

I received a phone call from my doctor's office informing me that I had the opportunity to reschedule my surgery date.  This was a huge surprise.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I truly believe this is another sign that God is at work.  The only thing is that the surgery was just one week away.  I had to go down and sign authorization papers for the Diep flap surgery and take care of any other pre-op things.  My surgeon didn't waste any time sending in all the meds I would need after the surgery.  Seven prescriptions in all, ranging from pain meds to antibiotics.  I began receiving phone calls from the hospital, insurance company, and doctors' offices.  Things started to move very quickly. 

We also contacted the school office and teachers to let them know my granddaughter will be out of school for the entire week.  We didn't think she would be able to focus on her class work, knowing I was going through the surgery.  Plus, we didn't have a way to get her to and from school. Her teachers were also very supportive of our decision.  My husband decided to book a hotel room near the hospital, as it was located on the other side of town, since my check-in time was at 5:30 a.m.  This was a very stressful week.  So happy that everything is done and ready to move on to the next step.

My next step was to buy a bottle of Magnesium Citrate to clear my bowels, which wasn't much fun. The stuff tasted horrible, especially since it was cherry-flavored; you would think it would have tasted better. I had to drink the entire bottle. Then the fun began. You never knew when your next stop to the restroom would be. I wasn't quite sure if I would make it to the hotel before having to make another bathroom run. When we arrived at the hotel, we checked in, unloaded our luggage, and checked our room. We had noticed one of the amenities as we drove through the parking lot. The hotel apparently also had breakfast in the morning with a one-item limit. Unfortunately, I was unable to partake in their fine cuisine, as they did not start serving breakfast until 6:30 a.m. As we walked through the corridor, the lights were dim and the carpet was imprinted with the image of the lights above. Our room was at least clean, even though it had an unusual odor. After we settled in, we went to In-N-Out Burger to get something to eat.  I really like In-N-Out Burger, but even there, I could only eat so much. When we got back to the hotel, we decided to check out the pool.  It was a tiny swimming pool with a maximum of twenty-eight people. So small you could not even do laps, but it was also nice to relax by the pool and just sit there with my feet in the water, watching my granddaughter and husband swim (bummer I forgot to pack my swimsuit).  It was very quiet and peaceful.

 After returning to our room. I tried to relax and watch a movie, but I was either too anxious to watch the movie or sleep, perhaps it was the obstruction blocking my view of the TV. My husband kept putting his knee up and blocking my view. It definitely was not nice. It was nice not to be stressed about driving to the hospital and arriving on time. The only thing was that I was up every two hours, and didn't want to miss the wake-up time.

Even going through this time, I am grateful.  I feel as if God, has been preparing me for this time.  The change of diet and exercise.  The support of my children and grandchildren. Knowing my church family were praying for me was huge. Fear of the unknown can begin to take control if we let it, but I have chosen to place my trust in Jesus.  Praying every day for his will, peace and strength as I go through this period in my life.

Scarlett

Midnight Thoughts

 

It is early morning, and I'm having a difficult time sleeping.  Waking up to cramps in the foot doesn't help.  From what I'm guessing, it could be a lack of drinking enough water. Can't go back to sleep, so I thought I would just write. I know I need to get a good night's sleep.  This is a period of time when the body begins to heal itself.

I'm wrestling with the idea of my own mortality.  Life is so short in retrospect.  You never even consider that your life is coming to an end until you develop a terminal disease.  Then you begin asking yourself a million questions.  Why did this happen?  What did I do to deserve this?  Haven't I gone through enough trials in my life?  Why did this happen now when I was just starting to get my life together?  So many questions.

Ultimately, God is the author of our days. I know that going through suffering, trials, and tribulations develops our faith and gives us the strength to overcome the next situation or circumstance.  In the development of our faith, God walks with us through the difficulties we face and even sometimes carries us.  I am grateful that we never have to walk this journey alone.

We also need to trust God and His Sovereignty.  He has given us our family and friends to help us in these difficult times.

It's funny because my son and I were talking, and he wanted to know what my idea of a family was.  Something I haven't really experienced in my childhood.  Not a healthy one anyway.  I looked at family as a unit that supports and cares for one another emotionally and spiritually.  We have our biological family, friends we consider family, and our church family.  They can encourage and pray for us.  They can help take care of us by taking us to doctor's appointments, cooking, or helping to care for us during our recovery.  

I am grateful for my church family, who have continued to pray for me during this process.  This has been very encouraging for me.  I am grateful for God and his providence.  God always seems to know what I need and when I need it.

Scarlett

Battlelines Have Been Drawn: Healthy vs. Unhealthy

 

It's funny how things like cancer or any other serious diseases can cause us to reevaluate our lives.  As a woman of faith, I began looking at things introspectively many years ago.  Although, I've never been very good at it.  It is so easy to look through the lens of what others do than yourself.  

We continue to live our lives as if nothing will ever go wrong or bad.  I was already heading on a collision course with my own health.  I've had many warning signs, but never really took them seriously.  I had my gallbladder removed in 2014.  It looked like a precursor to where I am today.  I know it was due to my extremely healthy diet of deep fried foods (which I absolutely love), breads, and of course, the dreaded dessert.  There was really nothing healthy about my diet.  Vegetables (yuck), fruits are about the only thing I really liked.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think eating junk food or the lack of fruits and vegetables would rear its ugly head and take me down.  

My doctor warned me about not eating a healthy diet.  Eating fast food didn't help my cause either plus all the processed foods.  I counted it all good that I didn't smoke or drink alcohol.  I never even understood why my metabolism had shut down.  The body is a very complex thing.  It can take a lot of abuse but will eventually come to the point of resistance and fail.

I used to walk with my sister and mom many years ago.  Now my sister is gone and my mom can no longer really walk very far.  It's always nicer to have a walking partner, someone to talk to while your walking.  I did walk with a friend, but that wasn't good since she would always talk to someone else on the phone.  I might as well have been walking on my own.  Of course, my husband hates walking in the city because it affects his joints.  So I started exercising indoors, but don' t think I ever got my heart rate high enough to burn off any of the calories I consumed each day.  I think I was never able to lose my weight because I ate more than what I could burn off in a day.  

Needless to say, the change of diet has begun to help.  Eating more fruits and vegetables and less carbs.  I do partake in something sweet to eat every now and then, but not at the level I once did.  I try to jog in place every day and do ten minutes of HIIT exercises.  I needed to also find a way to strengthen my core.  Turning down unhealthy foods every day is getting much easier and the taste of vegetables is getting much better.  I don't really have a lot of sugar craving and my emotional state has started too improve.  Hopefully, eating healthier will also reverse any cell damage created by my unhealthy choices.

I think of the Daniel Diet and the book of Daniel where Daniel challenges the kings servant to let him only eat fruits and vegetables instead of all the rich delicacies offered to him.  Nothing could compare to how much healthier he looked when the challenge was over.

I believe we are given these bodies to take care off as God's living temple.  What better way to express our gratitude for what God has given us than to take care of the things he has given us.  Life is definitely to short to live for the moment. For me, I know I need to make a conscience decision to eat right, exercise and pray daily.

Scarlett

The Second Opinion

 I had my appointment today for a second opinion on my cancer.  I spoke with an internalist and after looking at all my images came to the same conclusion.  Surgery is my only option if I want to survive.  My hope was for something other than surgery.  It appears I had false hope for a cure that was not as invasive as surgery.  This has really set me back emotionally and mentally.  I was looking for more of a holistic approach to curing this disease.  Not only did I find out surgery was my best and only option, I found out because of the genetic mutation I would also be prone to colon cancer.  Such devastating news for me. He also explained to me that if I went with the lumpectomy only, I would have too have a mammogram or MRI every six months.  He also confirmed for me that my surgeon was correct in how she was treating my cancer.

The question now is do I start all over again with all new testing and biopsies or continue with the original plan.  The outcome is ultimately the same.  If I want to survive, I need to proceed with the surgery.

I have really taken this news very hard.  It is so easy to fall into a deep depression.  This medical team has been very supportive.  They have suggested counseling and taking a deeper look at genetic testing to understand what it means.  So much is happening it is quite overwhelming.

This is taking an emotional toll on me.  I am glad my husband is so supportive and is really trying to understand what I feeling and experiencing.  It is a hard decision to make.  I know everyone going through cancer does not have the exact same experience or approach.  So it is hard to find people going through the same situation.  Why is it some people seem to get help faster than others?  Why does it seem as if others seem to connect more with each other?  I am thankful and grateful for a loving Father.

I am still looking toward my Father in heaven for healing and answers.  He has a purpose for my life and is not done with me yet.  So in the meantime, I will be patient and wait, listening for that still small voice.

Scarlett

An Unclear Future

 

Well, today has been very frustrating.  My surgery has been postponed and I feel as if I am on a roller coaster ride, or the beginning of a nightmare.  

The results of the MRI have lead too more mammograms and ultra sounds.  I was supposed to go in for another biopsy, since the images showed another mass or spots on both breasts.  This has all occurred just one week before I was supposed to go in to have the seed placed.  One week before my surgery.  I couldn't even get an appointment for the biopsy until four weeks after my surgery date.  

My cancer team was able to find another facility for me to have the biopsy done and still have time to continue with the original surgery date. 

The evening prior to going to having the biopsy done, I received a call from the nurse about the possibility of them not being able to do the biopsy. They needed more clarification from my surgeon about the areas needed to be biopsied.  There were three areas on the left breast and one on the right.  They were hoping to get in touch with the surgeon before I arrived the next morning.  Since, we had not received a phone call we got ready and headed for the facility, which was a forty-five minute drive.

I checked in and waited.  Surprised, I was not ask for any information, asked to fill out any paperwork or prepay for services.  I was eventually called and taken to an office in the back.  This is where I was told they were not able to contact the doctor and would not be able to proceed with the procedure.

 Unfortunately, the radiologist did not feel comfortable with the results or conclusions of the radiologist of the original facility and needed a third opinion before proceeding with the biopsy.  It would be great if the results of the original were incorrect, right.  Now I need to wait to see what needs to be done next.  Do I still need the biopsy?  Should I just go with the mastectomy?  The path at this point is not very clear.  This was supposed to be a simple procedure.  Cut and dry...

After the consultation with the doctors. They suggested doing a MRI Biopsy. So they had to move the date of my surgery so they could do a MRI Biopsy.  Unfortunately, the surgery date would need to be moved again.  The only date available for the MRI Biopsy happened to be on the date of my next surgery.  I really don't want to have to postpone the surgery again.  The scheduler did not know how to even schedule the appointment and was concerned about them cancelling the MRI Biopsy again because the scheduling was not correct.  Plus, this procedure was going to take two days.  I called my doctors office to explain what was happening and was not able to talk with anyone.  Finally, the scheduler from my doctors office called me back and told me she would let me know more information Monday morning. Monday morning came and went, no response.  I called again and no response.  

Frustrated I am, yes indeed.

It is difficult to remain patient and calm, since I don't know if the cancer is even spreading or has spread.  Is this a super fast moving cancer?

Right now, I feel scared and unsure of the future.  I feel alone even though I know I am not walking through this alone.  My husband has been extremely supportive in every way imaginable.  I also know that God is working in this situation.

Now I have two appointments scheduled with two different facilities.  My life feels like its up in the air right now.

Scarlett

The beginning of an Unexpected Journey

 

Hi I'm Scarlett and I have decided to share my journey with breast cancer with you.  

I had put off going to the the doctor for a few years now.  I felt healthy and didn't want to waste time and money to go see a doctor that was only going to tell you that your problem was drinking to much soda or being fat.  

For some unknown reason this year was different.  I felt that I really needed to get a physical.  I had been struggling with weight gain for a couple of years now and was not able to lose the weight.  It didn't matter how much exercise I did or how little I ate.

When my husband went to the doctor for his injured leg, I made the decision to make an appointment to get my yearly physical.  After all, full physicals were covered 100% by our insurance.  Little did I know that this was going to be a series of many tests.

Everything was going as expected.  Everything was flowing smoothly.  All test came back ok except for the mammogram...

I had to go back for another series of images and more images at different angles, plus an ultra sound which came as complete surprise.  The ultra sound did not even reveal a lump or any other sign of cancer.  Although, the doctor was convinced there was a problem. So my next visit was for a biopsy.

I'm not even exactly sure how I felt at that point.  Praying everything would come back negative or that the cancer cell was benign. Praying and hoping that this wasn't happening.

The biopsy was not quite what I was expecting either.  Totally convinced by the medical team that the only thing which really hurt was lying down on the table.  

Yes, the table was uncomfortable.  I was given a local anesthesia to numb the area around my left breast.  Of course, I was fully awake and unable to see the procedure. Not that I really wanted to anyway.  All I could hear was the sound of the machine.  Which did sort of sound like a sewing machine drilling into my breast with a needle scraping tissue to be examined.

Then the moment of truth.  On Friday, June 13th I received the news.  My doctor call and told me I had invasive ductal carcinoma.  The report was urgent and I needed to see an oncologist.  I was scared because I didn't know how severe or what type of breast cancer I had.

This whole process has been so overwhelming.  All the consultations and appointments.  I don't know what to think or what to feel.

Scarlett