Another Glorious Day

 

I finally got the call to schedule my second breast surgery.  I have to say that I'm really scared and apprehensive about the surgery.  I've read through the consent form and all the risks.  Initially, I was anxious to finish the entire procedure. Leave everything behind me and go on with my life.  The thought of the risks really frightens me.  In the end, is it worth it? I pray that God will continue to be with me through the process.  

The surgery is an in-and-out procedure and will take about 45 minutes to complete.  Hopefully, there will not be any complications.  I am confident in my doctor's skills.  My fear is my own ability to recover from another surgery. All the medications have been submitted.  It will also be another six weeks with no exercise, except for walking. 

I am trying to remain positive and to be grateful for all things.  Sometimes I think it's really hard to remain positive when there are many stressors in life.  I think there will be a lot of stress on the day of the surgery. One, we have to be at the hospital two hours before the surgery.  Two, the hospital is also under construction, and parking will be limited.  Plus, I can't have anything to drink all day until after the surgery.  Small sips of water throughout the day.  Again, is it really worth it?

My mind is really racing today.  What will the final outcome be?  Will the surgery make things worse?  I don't want to have to go through more surgeries trying to correct the first. God, what do I do?  I've prayed about this and don't know what the answer is.  Sometimes I wish it were an audible answer.  How do I know for sure if it is the right thing to do?

I continue to trust God in the process.  I know my hope is in Him.  Continuing to walk this journey one day at a time, praying that one day I can put this behind me. 

Scarlett

The End Of A Difficult Year

 It is hard to believe we have come to the end of another year.  A year filled with fear, hope, love, anger, depression, disappointments, and challenges.  I thank God every day for bringing me through these challenges. I am grateful for my family and friends who have prayed for me and have been there for me. I am also thankful for my pastor and my church family.

 Finding out I had cancer in June and all the decisions we had to make. The fear I felt, and the many nights I cried, not knowing where this diagnosis was going to lead me. The ups and downs of life, as well as the uncertainty of the future.  Even though I am cancer-free today, it does not mean that it will never return. I struggle with this fact, especially when I hear of someone else I know diagnosed with some form of cancer. I have been trying to learn as much as I can about this disease and how it can affect my family in the future. I have also tried fundraising for cancer research and helping cancer patients through the American Cancer Society.  This only added to my frustration; it seemed as if no one was interested, or it just didn't matter. I still try to understand why I developed cancer in the first place and how my DNA mutated.

It's even been harder to maintain a change in lifestyle, diet, and exercise, especially during the holidays.  I seemed to make it through Thanksgiving okay, but Christmas has been a little more challenging. All the snacks, parties, desserts, and foods are very tempting. Even when some of those gifts are given, or desserts are requested. I felt so disappointed when I found out I had gained four pounds. You begin eating desserts, and before you know it, you've eaten more than you realize.  The stresses of everyday life have also been difficult.  My son, his son, and his daughter have moved in with us temporarily.  It has been a difficult transition, as our lifestyles are extremely different.  I'm trying to refrain from all the junk food, fast food, and fried foods, which are what they consume.  The convenience of fast food has led to a huge decline in my own health. My husband tells me to continue cooking as I did before, and if they eat, that's good; if they don't, that's okay too.  

Although life is more stressful today than usual, I know I have nothing to fear, and it will not always be.  God is with me every day.  He is my firm foundation and my refuge.  God is faithful through all generations, and I am extremely grateful for all these things.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, "

                                                                                                                   Hebrews 12:28

Although this year has had many challenges and fears, it has also had love, hope, and healing. Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually.  This year has helped me to realize I have friends who care and are praying for me.  I have family who love me even when some days I feel alone and empty inside. We can not live life by our emotions because sometimes our emotions lie to us.  We need to trust in God and learn to live by that fact more than emotion.  I have hope for the coming year, no matters what happens God is with me always.  This is truth, not my truth but God's truth and that's what matters most.

Scarlett

Musings

 

The holidays have always been a challenge for me. This time of year led to major depression. As an adult with a family, I never wanted to set up a Christmas Tree or decorate the house.  I would do such things right before Christmas Day. I even tried to incorporate new traditions with not much success.The holidays have never been what I had dreamed of as a child or an adult. My favorite part of the holidays is going to church.  This is where I found the most peace. Praising and worshiping God. I looked at the world and wondered what had happened to me.  Sometimes depression started to set in because of my family, perhaps due to my own high expectations at the time.  As a child, my family never prayed before meals or sat at the dinner table. We never talked about what happened during our day or anything happening in our lives. Everyone complained about everything and was very critical.  I have looked introspectively and discovered some things about myself.  Such as being secretive and hiding who I am because everything I said and anything I did was used against me. I could never be comfortable with who I was created to be. Being criticized about the gifts I purchased has caused me much stress. Giving and generosity were never taught. I had no positive influences in my life, only negativity. I also never understood the love of God, even though I attended church every Sunday.  To me, even God was judgmental and punishing. I never truly understood the grace of God. I allowed fear to govern my life.

I thank God for bringing my husband into my life.  He has taught me what love and grace look like.  He has been patient with me when I was at my worst and stood by me when my health began to fail.  Along with God he has been my rock.  It has taken many years to overcome my depression but consistently going to bible study and prayer has helped me to see God in a new light.

Stress and negative emotions could have also been a catalyst for my cancer along with my unhealthy diet. I am grateful I am no longer in that place.  My life has changed significantly. We eat, pray, and talk about the events of our day.  Finding joy in the things I'm doing and trying new things.  My life and my expectations have also changed since finding out I had cancer.  I now see life differently.  I try not to allow little annoyances to bother me too much.  I am also trying to step out of my box and experience new things (like this blog).  I no longer want to live in a world of secrecy, I don't believe God created me to live this way.  I need to continue exploring and developing the talents and skills God has given me.

This Christmas season remember the hope we have in Christ Jesus.  Create a gratitude list and ponder the blessings you have been given each day.  Even the most basic things as a roof over you head and food to eat, clean drinking water and hot showers.  Some things we never even consider and sometimes take for granted.

A good scripture verse to remember also is 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control. This gives us so much freedom not only personally but socially.

Many Blessing,

Scarlett

Like Snowflakes Every Journey is Unique

Finally had the colonoscopy done.  The actual procedure was not as bad as the prep. I felt like I was going into surgery again. My appointment was set early in the morning, so I had my granddaughter with me. My husband was going to drop me off and then take her to school.  This seemed to be a problem with the hospital because they would not start the procedure without him being there. The good thing was that I had to answer a lot of questions and change into my fancy hospital gown, which gave him time to return.  He couldn't even wait in the parking lot.  He had to stay in the area the entire time. Apparently, they have had problems with the patients' drivers not being available when the patients were ready to go home.  The nurse came in and started an IV, which, of course, caused some discomfort. I still have a bruise and pain in my hand from the insertion of the IV. The anesthesiologist came in to notify me of the anesthesia he would be administering. The doctor performing the colonoscopy spoke with me, and to my surprise, it was my GI doctor. It felt as if I was semi-conscious because I could hear voices talking. Perhaps it was the anesthesia wearing off. My doctor let me know they found a small polyp and removed it.  He said everything else looked good and did not see any concern about the polyp being cancerous. They will consult with me in about two weeks.  He also let me know some other good news.  The MRI of my pancreas was also good.  This has been so encouraging for me and a relief.

 Learning about cancer has been an interesting subject for me. It is also encouraging to know the survival rate is very high if cancer is detected in the early stages. I am also surprised at the types and subtypes of cancer that exist.  I enjoy hearing the stories of cancer patients and survivors.  I believe we can all learn something from their stories. Each of us has a story to tell, and even though we may have the same type of cancer, the treatment for each individual is different. To my own surprise, I didn't need to go through radiation treatment or chemotherapy before or after my surgery.  I could never imagine or understand the fear they must feel when going through radiation therapy or chemotherapy.  What a joyous feeling they must feel when they can ring the bell after cancer treatment is completed, marking the end of a difficult journey and the beginning of a new chapter in their lives.  It is true that when you are diagnosed with cancer, your life changes, and your priorities change. When we are going through cancer and cancer treatment, it's important to also remember to love and care for each other.  It is also true that some of us may feel isolated from our families and friends because they don't know how to react to us when we are diagnosed with cancer.  I believe many people still believe cancer is a death sentence, and we need to help people become more aware of the survival rate of cancer patients today.

I believe our faith in God is also important as we walk through this life.  The hope we have in Christ Jesus.  Maintaining a positive attitude also helps strengthen our immune system, reduces stress, improves our relationships, and enhances mental well-being. As stated in Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Scarlett

Gratitude In All Things

 

Life has been pretty crazy lately.  So much has been happening, and sometimes I fear the stress may push me back to a negative space. Stress, for me, is not a good thing because it can trigger the release of cortisol. This can cause weight gain and other symptoms, such as fatigue, increased inflammation, and decreased immune function. Cortisol is the main hormone involved in glucose energy metabolism.  I don't even like the thought of gaining all my weight back. I have worked hard to lose over twenty pounds. It still amazes me how complex the body is and how it affects every part of us physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I also don't have my quiet time anymore, where I spend time with God.  This is a priority for me, but I also don't want to segregate myself from my family. I need to regain my sense of balance in exercise and diet, and of course, my spiritual life. 

I have prayed for years that God would reconcile my family.  Sometimes I feel as if he is doing this through the cancer.  I get to see my children and grandchildren more often.  I also pray that they would come to receive God's love and salvation. 

I am also coming to terms with the fact that any other potential cancer I face is just a risk.  I still feel I need to maintain a healthy diet, exercise, and spend time in prayer and bible study.  As Thanksgiving approaches, I need to remember the many things for which I am grateful.  Even when life seems dark and hopeless.  I know I have all I really need, for God's grace is sufficient for me.

I continue to work out every day, even though I am not eating as healthy as I once was.  My weight continues to fluctuate, but I believe that as life begins to settle down, I will again regain my sense of peace.

As Thanksgiving approaches look for the Blessings in Everything around you.

Scarlett

The Storms of Life

I had my first consultation with the GI doctor today.  I love how efficient the staff is and the easy check-in procedure.  I didn't need to fill out endless pages of paperwork.  I wasn't quite sure what to expect from the visit.   I spoke with the doctor, explaining why I was there and the results of the genetic testing.  Since he didn't have a copy of the results, he said he would start with a colonoscopy. He told me the other tests were costly and wanted to wait until he reviewed the genetic testing. If the ATM gene were found in my genetic testing, I would need to have a colonoscopy once a year; otherwise, every 10 years. He said he would let me know about any other testing once he received the genetic test results. My colonoscopy has been scheduled, and I'm not looking forward to it.

Later in the afternoon, I received another call from the imaging facility to make an appointment, for what I did not know.  It is very frustrating talking with their appointment setters.  You can never understand what they are saying, and the background noise doesn't help. Also, having to repeat insurance information every time is crazy.  All of this information should be in their database.  Then they want to know why I was making the appointment, how I would know what it was for, and why it took half an hour to set it. After talking with the person on the phone, I figured the GI doctor got the results. The appointment was for an MRI of my abdomen.

I have also had my visit with the gynecologist/oncologist.  After speaking with her, she recommended having my ovaries removed.  There was no way to detect ovarian cancer in its early stages.  Even yearly monitoring would not help.  So my next decision is whether or not to have the ovaries removed, just as a precaution.

This week was very difficult emotionally.  I had a cold and was not feeling well. I'm not sure how long it will take to recover, since the loss of estrogen also lowers my immunity. I've also started taking some probiotics, which should help boost my immune system.  Thinking about having my ovaries removed and all the additional testing.  I just want my life back.

The best thing was going to bible study or just plain studying my bible.  There is so much encouragement and insight in reading and studying God's word.  I was so depressed about my outcome, but remembered Paul's words.  God said his grace was sufficient for me.  For my power is made perfect in weakness.  I'm just paraphrasing, of course.  I was also reminded of how faithful God is, even though sometimes he allows certain thing to happen.  We must look for the blessings in our circumstances and rejoice, pray and give thanks in everything.  One woman in my bible study, who is losing her eyesight put it this way.  How can I not have joy when God has given me so much. The blessings outweigh the circumstance.  I know sometimes I take people, God and life for granted. Sometimes it's hard to see the blessing through the circumstances of our lives.  Always look up to God praise him in the storm, pray for healing or guidance and be grateful for all things.  

Scarlett

Side Effect Blues

 

Today has been hard for me. I feel an overwhelming sadness to the point of just wanting to break down and cry. I've prayed and journaled about this feeling. I know I'm not alone on this journey.  God and my family are always with me.  I'm not sure if it's the medication or just life circumstances. Life has been very stressful lately.  My medication could also cause depression and mood swings. I don't like the thought of having to monitor my health for the rest of my life.  I have also had a lot of pain, not only in my breast but also in my leg. Which could also be a side effect of the medication.  I really don't want to have to change drugs and begin all over again. Most of all, I don't want to take another pill for depression.  After all, most medications have side effects, some more terrible than others. My other option is to not take the estrogen blocker and take the chance that the cancer will not recur. Continuing the path to healthy eating, exercise, prayer, and bible study. Which I would prefer. 

I am constantly learning something new about the medication I am taking.  Apparently, one side effect not on the list of side effects is stress urinary incontinence.  Lower estrogen can cause a weakening of the muscles and nerves that control the bladder, along with menopause and obesity.  Although not all women taking anastrozole are affected by stress urinary incontinence.  Fortunately, there are exercises you can do to help strengthen the muscles around the pelvic floor. Knowledge is key, and learning new ways to maintain it is important.

It has also occurred to me that our emotions can also have an effect on our overall health.  I remember hearing many years ago how stress can cause chronic diseases. I believe this to be true; anxiety, anger, unforgiveness, and many other emotions can lead to many health issues.  All of which can lead to depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and many other vices.  All is a subject for another time.

The good news is I no longer need to go to physical therapy twice a week.  Only once a week for the next three weeks.  I'm ready for this to be finished.  I can do all these stretches at home.  The most important part was the message therapy to my breast to soften the breast tissue and get the blood circulating.  The message also helped with reducing the scar tissue.  It has also been interesting talking to the physical therapists.  I was curious as to why they chose breast reconstruction therapy; both therapist said their mothers had breast cancer.  One survived and the other passed away, but both young women wanted to help other women going through reconstructive surgery.

 I still have many appointments scheduled for the next few weeks.  I have to undergo a CT scan, a consultation with a GI specialist and a gynecologist/oncologist, as well as additional lab work. I also canceled my appointment with the genetic counselor.  My insurance company will not cover the consultation, so I need to explore alternative options.

I am grateful for God because God is good all the time.  No matter what life throws at me, I know God will use it for my good and the good of others.  To grow my faith, strengthen me, and lead me to be more like his son, Jesus. To spread the good news or just as a lesson in life. Stay focused on God always.

Scarlett

Richard & Annette Bloch Cancer Survivors Park

 After dropping off some friends at the airport, we stopped at Papago Park to have lunch and take pictures.  It was a beautiful day, since it had just rained.  On our way home, we noticed a sign for Richard & Annette Bloch Cancer Survivors Park in downtown Phoenix.  We stopped to check it out.  To my dismay, the park was in disrepair, neglected, and vandalized. Some of the bronze plates were missing, and the fountain was not operational (probably due to the homeless).  It had originally been designed to give hope to cancer patients who were recently diagnosed with cancer.  The park was designed to offer hope, instruction, and inspiration to those undergoing cancer. There were three factors present. 1) Was to have a positive mental attitude. 2) Five bronze figures representing fear, hope, and determination. Three bronze figures representing successful treatment. 3) The Road to Recovery, which explained what cancer is and basic actions to successfully overcome the disease.  The bronze statues were created by Victor Salmones as a labor of love.  It is so sad that his work of art was destroyed.

This was a beautiful way to show people that cancer was not a death sentence and there was hope.  It was encouraging and told a story of hope and determination.  That we should never give up, no matter what. I did not even know this park existed.  It was founded by Richard and Annette Bloch after he was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal lung cancer and told he had only three months to live. I thought his story of fighting back and not accepting the diagnosis was very encouraging.  Surviving stage 4 lung cancer is remarkable.

I have met and known so many people who have had different types of cancer and have survived.  I don't think we hear of too many of those stories.  My mom even mentioned the same thing one day. Why don't we hear of people who have survived?  Fortunately, I know many women who have survived breast cancer.  Women who have had either a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  Having been diagnosed with breast cancer myself and being a survivor has led me to want to know more about the disease.

I think it is important to know everything about the type of cancer you're fighting. To have faith and never give up.  I feel Richard Bloch has a fascinating story and can be read on the website for Richard & Annette Bloch Foundation, and his vision for helping cancer patients.  It is so true that knowledge heals, ignorance kills.

Scarlett

The Oncologist

 I must admit I am struggling emotionally today.  I spoke with my oncologist today, and he shared the results of my genomic testing with me.  Not only do I have the risk of colon cancer, but also pancreatic and ovarian cancer.  Can I ever get a break???  My cholesterol levels are elevated and, of course, my favorite fatty liver. I feel like my health is sliding out of control.  I have changed my diet and have been exercising, but nothing seems to be helping.  My eyesight is also deteriorating.  I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up.  I understand that some of the cancer results are just risks.  My oncologist has also referred me to a genomic counselor to review the test results to help me gain a better understanding of them. Another problem is that my insurance does not cover genetic counseling. Plus, the results of the bone density test.  Apparently, I also have osteopenia, low bone density.  This could lead to osteoporosis. In taking an estrogen blocker, my bone density will need to be monitored more often, and I need to be mindful that it is easier to break a bone. ( I guess playing any type of sport is out) Fortunately, this can be reversed, again through a combination of diet and exercise.  I am seeing a recurring theme here. I also have a referral to a gynecologist/oncologist to check my pelvis and ovaries.  Once again, I need to have those lovely pap smears (Ugh) and lab work to check my pancreas. All of this is quite overwhelming.  My husband is questioning all the testing.  Is it really necessary...

I had my visit with my breast reconstruction surgeon, and he said all restrictions have been lifted.  I can do all the things I did before the surgery.  This has been good news for me.  He also told me I would need to schedule another appointment in six weeks to discuss a second surgery. This surgery was intended to make any changes I wanted, such as adding nipples, removing any scarring, and making my breasts asymmetrical.

I have also begun taking the estrogen blocker Anastrozole.  I am just waiting to see what type of side effects it will have on me.  Hopefully, there should be none, as this medication can cause bone loss. I also need to go back to my original diet before the surgery. I feel as if I'm going down the same path that led me to the cancer. It is so much easier to consume food out of convenience than to prepare a healthier meal.  I need to remain focused on my health and spiritual life rather than what is easy.

Scarlett

Faith in God

 

It has been seven weeks since my surgery.  I am finally able to sleep on my side.  I am so excited! No more bed wedges, recliners, or just plain sleeping on my back. I am finally able to turn. Yeah!!!  I know this is a small win, but I'll take it.  I don't even feel as much pain getting out of bed each morning.  Although I have been experiencing some pain in the left side of my abdomen whenever I bend or move in certain positions.

I went to physical therapy today and discussed this with my therapist.  When she examined my abdomen, she said it could be an air pocket.  How could this happen? I wondered.  She massaged my abdomen, arms, and breasts. She checked my wounds and said everything was looking good.  I then finished my PT with my usual stretches.

I had always thought physical therapy was a waste of time and money.  Plus, the drive was long for the amount of time I was there.  I now see the benefits of going, even though I felt it was inconvenient.  I can see how important it is for overall health and healing.  I have really been trying to do exactly what the doctors tell me to do.  

Going through breast cancer has helped me to see how diet and exercise are important in my overall health.  I have attempted to teach young children about healthy eating habits and exercise for years, but I have never practiced eating healthy myself.  I was always active, but over the past several years, not so much.  I started to consume more food than I exercised and gained so much weight, even to the point of being considered obese.  I can't even say I felt good being overweight.  From my understanding, this is one of the leading reasons for certain types of cancer. Obesity can lead to the production of increased insulin, inflammation, and estrogen. Too much estrogen is what fed my cancer.

A couple of years ago, I started investigating the reasons why my metabolism had slowed down.  I might have developed insulin resistance, so I started intermittent fasting. Not even realizing how insulin resistance affected many areas of the body, including diabetes. I thought I would have developed diabetes long before cancer.  I always felt I had the symptoms of diabetes, but testing for diabetes always came back negative. Thank God, I'm not sure which would be worse, cancer or diabetes.

 I am still working on eating healthier and exercising, praying daily and studying my bible.  I think these are the core foundations of a lifestyle change I need to continue in my life.  My faith in God has brought me much hope in the healing process. God continues to walk with me daily, and I know I would never have been able to get through this time without God and my family. Prayers from my church family have also been crucial to my healing. Through my church family I have been able to experience the love of Christ.

Scarlett

Why? Why? Why? A Thousands Why's

Even though my sister died from breast cancer in 2018. I never knew what kind of impact having breast cancer would have on my own life. Today, I wish I knew what type of cancer she had, what stage she was in when she found out.  Why couldn't the doctor help her with her recovery? What would be the best questions to ask? Was her cancer an aggressive type? I never even knew there were so many different types and stages of breast cancer.  I still have a hard time understanding why cancer has impacted so many people.  Why do some people struggle and require aggressive treatments, while others require little? Why don't I hear more stories or conversations?  Why are some people more optimistic than others?  Is the thought of cancer still "taboo"...

Do people still look at cancer as a death sentence? After some reflection on this question, I believe I had the same feeling.  I was fearful at the thought of having cancer and it being a death sentence. Especially since my sister passed away from breast cancer. Even the different types of cancer are overwhelming. A member of my small group is in the beginning stages of cancer.  They are not sure what type of cancer it is or how aggressive it is.  Even in their case, there was some reluctance to talk about it. I have recently been exposed to more and more people who are having to deal with some type of cancer.  A young woman I met found out her father has cancer. Her family just had a walk for cancer awareness on the reservation.  My husband found out his father may have prostate cancer.  According to the American Cancer Society, they project an increase in cases of cancer exceeding two million in 2024.  That is almost 5,500 cancer diagnoses per day.  That is a lot to digest.  Early detection screening can help diagnose cancer.  Lifestyle and diet also play a big role in cancer prevention. 

I felt a great deal of encouragement from my orthodontist when he told me his mother was a breast cancer survivor, but when I went to my regular dentist, he didn't mention anything, and I felt as if I had a death sentence. I received the same reaction from some members of my church.  They didn't even talk to me; they just patted me on the back and moved on. I didn't know what to think.  Overall, most people have been very understanding and compassionate. 

I was also amazed at the number of people who I found have some sort of cancer.  There are at least four women in my bible study group who have had breast cancer.  Cancer awareness has also helped to generate funding for cancer research.  I have also learned that the survival rate for women who get breast cancer has increased. October is breast cancer awareness month. Cancer research is also more advanced than in the past.  New medications, research, and early detection can prevent breast cancer from spreading.

I am grateful I felt the urgency to seek my yearly physical.  If I had waited and prolonged going to the doctor, my outcome would have been far worse.  I am also grateful to the doctor who was persistent in looking at my images from different angles.  I know it was annoying not only to me but also to the technologist taking the breast images. It is also important to get a mammogram even though we might dislike it or see no point in getting one.  The bottom line is trust your instincts and trust God.

Scarlett

A New Day New Challenges

 

I am totally amazed at how God has worked in my recovery.  I had my first visit with the oncologist since my surgery.  Great news!  They removed all the cancer, and there was no cancer found in my lymph nodes.  What a blessing!  Although there is a slight chance of the cancer returning.  I didn't have to go through chemotherapy or radiation treatments.  Even there, I was surprised.  My oncologist told me I needed a bone density test because he was going to prescribe an estrogen blocker.  We discussed the side effects and the purpose of taking them.  Apparently, my body is producing too much estrogen, which feeds my type of cancer.  To be on the safe side and prevent the cancer from recurring, he recommended I take the estrogen blocker for at least two years. Since I've never felt the effects of going through menopause, I can't say I know what to expect.  I never had the dreaded hot flashes, which are one of the side effects of the estrogen blocker.  Mood swings (hmmm), not too sure about those either.  The other concern was how the lack of estrogen would affect my bone density, leading to osteoporosis. I don't really want to take medications for that, plus my dentist recommended an alternative. Taking Vitamin D, which I prefer. I really hate prescription drugs!!  The side effects of those seem worse than the original problem.  Yes, I'm still looking for something more natural.

I talked to my oncologist about the genetic testing results I had received and the possibility of also getting colon cancer. The idea of getting colon cancer scares me. What can I do now to prevent this from occurring?  He wanted me to obtain a copy of the test results so he could review them. I'm uncertain if this recommendation will change after he reads the results from the genetic testing. Since there is a possibility of also getting colon cancer.  

In the meantime, I have begun my physical therapy.  I go to a facility twice a week on the other side of town.  I wish the facility were closer to my side of the city.  Physical therapy is going well.  The staff is very friendly and knowledgeable.  The different stretches appear to be working, and I am beginning to regain more mobility and flexibility.  I am still walking a mile every day and have decreased my walking time from thirty minutes to twenty-six.  I am hoping to return to my regular routine, which I had in place before my surgery.  

I continue to trust in God and believe that He knows what is best for me and my life.  God, you are so good, all the time.   Going through this process has given me a deeper understanding of self-care and the importance of a healthy diet and exercise.  Seeking God daily through prayer is, of course, the central focus of my day.  Leaning on God for healing, wisdom, and guidance.

Scarlett

A Terrifying Day

 

Yesterday was a terrifying day for me.  I've been home for two weeks after the surgery.  I hadn't received the okay to drive from my surgeon.  I didn't even know if it was all right for me to drive.  I received a message from both my son and grandson asking if I could pick my granddaughter up from school.  My son asked this because I had an appointment with my doctor's physician's assistant.  I really needed the clearance from my other surgeon.  So, needless to say, I said I would try to pick her up. 

It felt good to be back behind the wheel of a car.  I wasn't using any prescription drugs, and I felt pretty good. My only concern was my reaction time, since I'm not 100% healed.  I was surprised the traffic wasn't heavy, and I was able to park under the solar panels for additional shade.  Thank God, the weather was not extremely hot, and everything went well.  We were on the road again and made it home safely.  I was actually feeling pretty good until after dinner.  I told my granddaughter it was going to be a fend-for-yourself night.  My husband was working late, and we had plenty of leftovers.  

I don't even know why I chose to eat.  I wasn't even hungry, plus I snacked on a couple of things just before dinner.  I had decided to eat my leftover burrito from this morning.  Added some salsa and began to consume my burrito.  Instantly, I noticed I was breaking out in some huge welts.  I told my granddaughter I thought I was having an allergic reaction to something I had eaten. I suddenly began to feel horrible.  I felt bloated and restless.  I didn't know what to do.  My brilliant idea was to go for a walk, hoping it would help.  

We walked down the street and rounded the corner. The weather was finally nice with a small breeze.  I could already tell something was wrong, but I continued to push forward.  As we walked further, I began to feel extremely cold, but I didn't want to quit.  My doctor wanted me to walk a mile every day.  We walked further, and I began to become very concerned.  I wasn't sure if I was able to make it home.

I felt extremely weak to the point of asking my granddaughter to carry my cell phone.  I was continuing to get worse.  I know, I'm so stubborn and could have turned around at that point. Nope, determined to make it on my own, I continued.  I did have my granddaughter call my husband.  He was on his way home from work.  I just didn't know how far away he was.  He told my granddaughter to find a place to sit and rest.  We made it around another corner and found a fence to rest against.  My body had begun shaking, and I was freezing cold.  Nothing could stop the coldness encompassing my body. I couldn't wait any longer and had to make it home.  When we were close to the house, I had my granddaughter run and open the door.  When I entered the house, I sat in my recliner and had her get my blanket.  I was so cold and shivering.  I didn't even know what was happening to my body. My granddaughter kept looking out the door to see when my husband would be home.

My husband finally arrived home.  I was trying to explain to him what happened and what I was feeling.  My granddaughter went and got a heavier blanket, and my husband gave me a muscle relaxer, hoping this would relieve my chills and the pain in my back.  He also put on a television show to help distract my mind from what was happening.  The medication began to take effect, and I was in and out of consciousness. 

I'm not exactly sure what happened to me.  I thought perhaps it was a heart attack, but I didn't have the symptoms of a heart attack.  My granddaughter and son were sick, so I could have been exposed to their sickness.  All I heard was "I'm not sick."  Another possibility is an allergic reaction to whatever I ate.

My husband also thought I might need to go to the hospital.  One thing is for sure: we were all concerned.  My husband believes I just pushed myself too hard.  This all happened the day before I was to have brunch with my mom to celebrate her birthday.  Fortunately, she came to pick me up because I was still kind of out of it.  It took some time for the muscle relaxer to work its way out of my body.  I didn't have to worry about picking my granddaughter up from school because it was Friday and her dad would pick her up for the weekend.

 Again, God has walked with me through this process. I am grateful for my granddaughter and husband; they have been here to support me through this process.  I'm not sure why God has been with us, but I'm hoping my granddaughter will look back and see how God has been with us every step of the way.

Scarlett

A New Dawn

 

After the surgery was completed, I was taken to the recovery room.  I don't really remember anything that happened while I was there.  I was then taken to a regular room.  I would be in the hospital for two days.  Making sure there were no complications from the surgery.  Monitors were attached to my breasts and, of course, my IV.

It was nice to see the family there.  It was encouraging to know they cared enough to be there.  Even though I don't remember everything.  My youngest granddaughter was busy doing her homework, or so we thought.  She just loves to milk time and hates schoolwork.  I know it was hard for my oldest granddaughter to be there, since her ex-boyfriend and the father of her baby lives across the street. She has always been my angel since the day she was born. I suffered from depression most of my life.  When she was born, she brought hope with her. I felt a new purpose for my life. We spent a lot of time together.  I couldn't wait to get home from work and hold her.  She was my lifeline. I didn't acknowledge God at that period of time, but looking back, I believe God sent her to save my life.  Life has never been easy for me, but having them there brought a sense of peace.  I truly felt as if God had answered my prayers.  I was also surprised to hear from my sister, the one who wished I had never mentioned having cancer. She called the day before I was admitted to the hospital and every day I was there. We had some good conversations, and she made me laugh.  She never came to visit me, even though I was close to where she lived. Of course, my mom didn't come because the hospital was far from her house, but she at least called.  I know she was concerned and prayed that everything went well.

The time in the hospital didn't seem long. This could be due to all the drugs I was taking.  The nurses were friendly and communicative.  I had a visit from my first surgeon, and she stated that everything looked good.  A visit from my second surgeon's physician's assistant also stopped by and said the same thing.  

I had one drain attached to each side, which removed any fluid from my breast that could cause any possible infection.  I'm guessing the nurses were surprised I didn't have four.  The nurses would come in twice a day to check my drains.  There was not much drainage while I was in the hospital.  I did ask the nurses and doctor if this was normal, and they said "yes".  When it was time for me to be discharged, the nurse showed my husband how to drain my drains.

Everything looked good, and I was released from the hospital and on my way back home.  My son had stopped by the house to rearrange the room, making it more easily accessible.  I was to use a walker for a few days.  

As the days passed, I found it extremely difficult to sleep since I could only sleep in an upright position.  I had purchased a wedge for my bed to help me sleep.  That didn't work well.  

My husband continued to check my drains each day.  There was still not much drainage.  When I went back to the doctor the following week.  He removed my drains.  I was surprised and could not believe this was happening so soon.  I've heard breast drains are usually left in for two to three weeks, and most people have more drainage.  I wondered if this was a good or bad thing.  I certainly was not looking for any complications from them being removed too early.  Although I was ecstatic at the news.  He also told me I needed to start walking one mile every day.

I am amazed and happy that everything looked good.  I still believe that the preparation of diet and exercise I undertook before the surgery was helpful. Most of all, the prayers I received from my church family and friends.  I could really sense their prayers.  I feel so blessed over how everything has gone. God is so so good!!!

Scarlett

An Unexpected Phone Call

I received a phone call from my doctor's office informing me that I had the opportunity to reschedule my surgery date.  This was a huge surprise.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing.  I truly believe this is another sign that God is at work.  The only thing is that the surgery was just one week away.  I had to go down and sign authorization papers for the Diep flap surgery and take care of any other pre-op things.  My surgeon didn't waste any time sending in all the meds I would need after the surgery.  Seven prescriptions in all, ranging from pain meds to antibiotics.  I began receiving phone calls from the hospital, insurance company, and doctors' offices.  Things started to move very quickly. 

We also contacted the school office and teachers to let them know my granddaughter will be out of school for the entire week.  We didn't think she would be able to focus on her class work, knowing I was going through the surgery.  Plus, we didn't have a way to get her to and from school. Her teachers were also very supportive of our decision.  My husband decided to book a hotel room near the hospital, as it was located on the other side of town, since my check-in time was at 5:30 a.m.  This was a very stressful week.  So happy that everything is done and ready to move on to the next step.

My next step was to buy a bottle of Magnesium Citrate to clear my bowels, which wasn't much fun. The stuff tasted horrible, especially since it was cherry-flavored; you would think it would have tasted better. I had to drink the entire bottle. Then the fun began. You never knew when your next stop to the restroom would be. I wasn't quite sure if I would make it to the hotel before having to make another bathroom run. When we arrived at the hotel, we checked in, unloaded our luggage, and checked our room. We had noticed one of the amenities as we drove through the parking lot. The hotel apparently also had breakfast in the morning with a one-item limit. Unfortunately, I was unable to partake in their fine cuisine, as they did not start serving breakfast until 6:30 a.m. As we walked through the corridor, the lights were dim and the carpet was imprinted with the image of the lights above. Our room was at least clean, even though it had an unusual odor. After we settled in, we went to In-N-Out Burger to get something to eat.  I really like In-N-Out Burger, but even there, I could only eat so much. When we got back to the hotel, we decided to check out the pool.  It was a tiny swimming pool with a maximum of twenty-eight people. So small you could not even do laps, but it was also nice to relax by the pool and just sit there with my feet in the water, watching my granddaughter and husband swim (bummer I forgot to pack my swimsuit).  It was very quiet and peaceful.

 After returning to our room. I tried to relax and watch a movie, but I was either too anxious to watch the movie or sleep, perhaps it was the obstruction blocking my view of the TV. My husband kept putting his knee up and blocking my view. It definitely was not nice. It was nice not to be stressed about driving to the hospital and arriving on time. The only thing was that I was up every two hours, and didn't want to miss the wake-up time.

Even going through this time, I am grateful.  I feel as if God, has been preparing me for this time.  The change of diet and exercise.  The support of my children and grandchildren. Knowing my church family were praying for me was huge. Fear of the unknown can begin to take control if we let it, but I have chosen to place my trust in Jesus.  Praying every day for his will, peace and strength as I go through this period in my life.

Scarlett

Midnight Thoughts

 

It is early morning, and I'm having a difficult time sleeping.  Waking up to cramps in the foot doesn't help.  From what I'm guessing, it could be a lack of drinking enough water. Can't go back to sleep, so I thought I would just write. I know I need to get a good night's sleep.  This is a period of time when the body begins to heal itself.

I'm wrestling with the idea of my own mortality.  Life is so short in retrospect.  You never even consider that your life is coming to an end until you develop a terminal disease.  Then you begin asking yourself a million questions.  Why did this happen?  What did I do to deserve this?  Haven't I gone through enough trials in my life?  Why did this happen now when I was just starting to get my life together?  So many questions.

Ultimately, God is the author of our days. I know that going through suffering, trials, and tribulations develops our faith and gives us the strength to overcome the next situation or circumstance.  In the development of our faith, God walks with us through the difficulties we face and even sometimes carries us.  I am grateful that we never have to walk this journey alone.

We also need to trust God and His Sovereignty.  He has given us our family and friends to help us in these difficult times.

It's funny because my son and I were talking, and he wanted to know what my idea of a family was.  Something I haven't really experienced in my childhood.  Not a healthy one anyway.  I looked at family as a unit that supports and cares for one another emotionally and spiritually.  We have our biological family, friends we consider family, and our church family.  They can encourage and pray for us.  They can help take care of us by taking us to doctor's appointments, cooking, or helping to care for us during our recovery.  

I am grateful for my church family, who have continued to pray for me during this process.  This has been very encouraging for me.  I am grateful for God and his providence.  God always seems to know what I need and when I need it.

Scarlett

Battlelines Have Been Drawn: Healthy vs. Unhealthy

 

It's funny how things like cancer or any other serious diseases can cause us to reevaluate our lives.  As a woman of faith, I began looking at things introspectively many years ago.  Although, I've never been very good at it.  It is so easy to look through the lens of what others do than yourself.  

We continue to live our lives as if nothing will ever go wrong or bad.  I was already heading on a collision course with my own health.  I've had many warning signs, but never really took them seriously.  I had my gallbladder removed in 2014.  It looked like a precursor to where I am today.  I know it was due to my extremely healthy diet of deep fried foods (which I absolutely love), breads, and of course, the dreaded dessert.  There was really nothing healthy about my diet.  Vegetables (yuck), fruits are about the only thing I really liked.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think eating junk food or the lack of fruits and vegetables would rear its ugly head and take me down.  

My doctor warned me about not eating a healthy diet.  Eating fast food didn't help my cause either plus all the processed foods.  I counted it all good that I didn't smoke or drink alcohol.  I never even understood why my metabolism had shut down.  The body is a very complex thing.  It can take a lot of abuse but will eventually come to the point of resistance and fail.

I used to walk with my sister and mom many years ago.  Now my sister is gone and my mom can no longer really walk very far.  It's always nicer to have a walking partner, someone to talk to while your walking.  I did walk with a friend, but that wasn't good since she would always talk to someone else on the phone.  I might as well have been walking on my own.  Of course, my husband hates walking in the city because it affects his joints.  So I started exercising indoors, but don' t think I ever got my heart rate high enough to burn off any of the calories I consumed each day.  I think I was never able to lose my weight because I ate more than what I could burn off in a day.  

Needless to say, the change of diet has begun to help.  Eating more fruits and vegetables and less carbs.  I do partake in something sweet to eat every now and then, but not at the level I once did.  I try to jog in place every day and do ten minutes of HIIT exercises.  I needed to also find a way to strengthen my core.  Turning down unhealthy foods every day is getting much easier and the taste of vegetables is getting much better.  I don't really have a lot of sugar craving and my emotional state has started too improve.  Hopefully, eating healthier will also reverse any cell damage created by my unhealthy choices.

I think of the Daniel Diet and the book of Daniel where Daniel challenges the kings servant to let him only eat fruits and vegetables instead of all the rich delicacies offered to him.  Nothing could compare to how much healthier he looked when the challenge was over.

I believe we are given these bodies to take care off as God's living temple.  What better way to express our gratitude for what God has given us than to take care of the things he has given us.  Life is definitely to short to live for the moment. For me, I know I need to make a conscience decision to eat right, exercise and pray daily.

Scarlett

The Second Opinion

 I had my appointment today for a second opinion on my cancer.  I spoke with an internalist and after looking at all my images came to the same conclusion.  Surgery is my only option if I want to survive.  My hope was for something other than surgery.  It appears I had false hope for a cure that was not as invasive as surgery.  This has really set me back emotionally and mentally.  I was looking for more of a holistic approach to curing this disease.  Not only did I find out surgery was my best and only option, I found out because of the genetic mutation I would also be prone to colon cancer.  Such devastating news for me. He also explained to me that if I went with the lumpectomy only, I would have too have a mammogram or MRI every six months.  He also confirmed for me that my surgeon was correct in how she was treating my cancer.

The question now is do I start all over again with all new testing and biopsies or continue with the original plan.  The outcome is ultimately the same.  If I want to survive, I need to proceed with the surgery.

I have really taken this news very hard.  It is so easy to fall into a deep depression.  This medical team has been very supportive.  They have suggested counseling and taking a deeper look at genetic testing to understand what it means.  So much is happening it is quite overwhelming.

This is taking an emotional toll on me.  I am glad my husband is so supportive and is really trying to understand what I feeling and experiencing.  It is a hard decision to make.  I know everyone going through cancer does not have the exact same experience or approach.  So it is hard to find people going through the same situation.  Why is it some people seem to get help faster than others?  Why does it seem as if others seem to connect more with each other?  I am thankful and grateful for a loving Father.

I am still looking toward my Father in heaven for healing and answers.  He has a purpose for my life and is not done with me yet.  So in the meantime, I will be patient and wait, listening for that still small voice.

Scarlett

Praying Through Difficult Times

 Today has been a difficult day.  It seems to me, that the cancer is spreading.  It's hard to not focus on this fact.  As I was getting ready for church this morning my breast seemed larger than normal.  Which is odd for me to notice, since I really never pay much attention to such things.  Yes, I know that I should pay closer attention to such details.  My mind fully believes that I can overcome this, but my body tells me something totally different.  

Church was good, the message was good and the worship team was good.  I love being in the presence of God.  I always feel so much comfort and peace when I focus on him, Jesus.

Sometimes I wonder if it is okay to question God.  I am reminded that God knows every detail of our pain and suffering.  He is everywhere and has a purpose for each of our lives.  Even when we go through suffering, trials and tribulations.  Our faith begins to grow stronger and we are drawn closer to him. 

Today, my husband asked if I wanted to go up for prayer.  Usually, the answer is no not today. I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through.  For what ever reason, today was different.  I requested, our Pastor to pray for me.  My husband and I went into the prayer room where the pastor and prayer team prayed for me and was also placed on the church prayer chain.  I am grateful for the prayer team, at our church.  Such strong, and bold prayer warriors.  They are an amazing group of people.  I had even received text prayers from some.

I feel as if God is moving through this.  It would be a lot easier if God just spoke to me in an audible voice.  Even there, would I recognize it to be God or my own thoughts.  How do I know which way God is leading me?  Through this process, I continue to pray for my family and their salvation.  I pray that they will come to have a deeper understanding of who God is and his steadfast love for them.

Scarlett