The End Of A Difficult Year

 It is hard to believe we have come to the end of another year.  A year filled with fear, hope, love, anger, depression, disappointments, and challenges.  I thank God every day for bringing me through these challenges. I am grateful for my family and friends who have prayed for me and have been there for me. I am also thankful for my pastor and my church family.

 Finding out I had cancer in June and all the decisions we had to make. The fear I felt, and the many nights I cried, not knowing where this diagnosis was going to lead me. The ups and downs of life, as well as the uncertainty of the future.  Even though I am cancer-free today, it does not mean that it will never return. I struggle with this fact, especially when I hear of someone else I know diagnosed with some form of cancer. I have been trying to learn as much as I can about this disease and how it can affect my family in the future. I have also tried fundraising for cancer research and helping cancer patients through the American Cancer Society.  This only added to my frustration; it seemed as if no one was interested, or it just didn't matter. I still try to understand why I developed cancer in the first place and how my DNA mutated.

It's even been harder to maintain a change in lifestyle, diet, and exercise, especially during the holidays.  I seemed to make it through Thanksgiving okay, but Christmas has been a little more challenging. All the snacks, parties, desserts, and foods are very tempting. Even when some of those gifts are given, or desserts are requested. I felt so disappointed when I found out I had gained four pounds. You begin eating desserts, and before you know it, you've eaten more than you realize.  The stresses of everyday life have also been difficult.  My son, his son, and his daughter have moved in with us temporarily.  It has been a difficult transition, as our lifestyles are extremely different.  I'm trying to refrain from all the junk food, fast food, and fried foods, which are what they consume.  The convenience of fast food has led to a huge decline in my own health. My husband tells me to continue cooking as I did before, and if they eat, that's good; if they don't, that's okay too.  

Although life is more stressful today than usual, I know I have nothing to fear, and it will not always be.  God is with me every day.  He is my firm foundation and my refuge.  God is faithful through all generations, and I am extremely grateful for all these things.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, "

                                                                                                                   Hebrews 12:28

Although this year has had many challenges and fears, it has also had love, hope, and healing. Not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually.  This year has helped me to realize I have friends who care and are praying for me.  I have family who love me even when some days I feel alone and empty inside. We can not live life by our emotions because sometimes our emotions lie to us.  We need to trust in God and learn to live by that fact more than emotion.  I have hope for the coming year, no matters what happens God is with me always.  This is truth, not my truth but God's truth and that's what matters most.

Scarlett

Musings

 

The holidays have always been a challenge for me. This time of year led to major depression. As an adult with a family, I never wanted to set up a Christmas Tree or decorate the house.  I would do such things right before Christmas Day. I even tried to incorporate new traditions with not much success.The holidays have never been what I had dreamed of as a child or an adult. My favorite part of the holidays is going to church.  This is where I found the most peace. Praising and worshiping God. I looked at the world and wondered what had happened to me.  Sometimes depression started to set in because of my family, perhaps due to my own high expectations at the time.  As a child, my family never prayed before meals or sat at the dinner table. We never talked about what happened during our day or anything happening in our lives. Everyone complained about everything and was very critical.  I have looked introspectively and discovered some things about myself.  Such as being secretive and hiding who I am because everything I said and anything I did was used against me. I could never be comfortable with who I was created to be. Being criticized about the gifts I purchased has caused me much stress. Giving and generosity were never taught. I had no positive influences in my life, only negativity. I also never understood the love of God, even though I attended church every Sunday.  To me, even God was judgmental and punishing. I never truly understood the grace of God. I allowed fear to govern my life.

I thank God for bringing my husband into my life.  He has taught me what love and grace look like.  He has been patient with me when I was at my worst and stood by me when my health began to fail.  Along with God he has been my rock.  It has taken many years to overcome my depression but consistently going to bible study and prayer has helped me to see God in a new light.

Stress and negative emotions could have also been a catalyst for my cancer along with my unhealthy diet. I am grateful I am no longer in that place.  My life has changed significantly. We eat, pray, and talk about the events of our day.  Finding joy in the things I'm doing and trying new things.  My life and my expectations have also changed since finding out I had cancer.  I now see life differently.  I try not to allow little annoyances to bother me too much.  I am also trying to step out of my box and experience new things (like this blog).  I no longer want to live in a world of secrecy, I don't believe God created me to live this way.  I need to continue exploring and developing the talents and skills God has given me.

This Christmas season remember the hope we have in Christ Jesus.  Create a gratitude list and ponder the blessings you have been given each day.  Even the most basic things as a roof over you head and food to eat, clean drinking water and hot showers.  Some things we never even consider and sometimes take for granted.

A good scripture verse to remember also is 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control. This gives us so much freedom not only personally but socially.

Many Blessing,

Scarlett