Today has been hard for me. I feel an overwhelming sadness to the point of just wanting to break down and cry. I've prayed and journaled about this feeling. I know I'm not alone on this journey. God and my family are always with me. I'm not sure if it's the medication or just life circumstances. Life has been very stressful lately. My medication could also cause depression and mood swings. I don't like the thought of having to monitor my health for the rest of my life. I have also had a lot of pain, not only in my breast but also in my leg. Which could also be a side effect of the medication. I really don't want to have to change drugs and begin all over again. Most of all, I don't want to take another pill for depression. After all, most medications have side effects, some more terrible than others. My other option is to not take the estrogen blocker and take the chance that the cancer will not recur. Continuing the path to healthy eating, exercise, prayer, and bible study. Which I would prefer.
I am constantly learning something new about the medication I am taking. Apparently, one side effect not on the list of side effects is stress urinary incontinence. Lower estrogen can cause a weakening of the muscles and nerves that control the bladder, along with menopause and obesity. Although not all women taking anastrozole are affected by stress urinary incontinence. Fortunately, there are exercises you can do to help strengthen the muscles around the pelvic floor. Knowledge is key, and learning new ways to maintain it is important.
It has also occurred to me that our emotions can also have an effect on our overall health. I remember hearing many years ago how stress can cause chronic diseases. I believe this to be true; anxiety, anger, unforgiveness, and many other emotions can lead to many health issues. All of which can lead to depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and many other vices. All is a subject for another time.
The good news is I no longer need to go to physical therapy twice a week. Only once a week for the next three weeks. I'm ready for this to be finished. I can do all these stretches at home. The most important part was the message therapy to my breast to soften the breast tissue and get the blood circulating. The message also helped with reducing the scar tissue. It has also been interesting talking to the physical therapists. I was curious as to why they chose breast reconstruction therapy; both therapist said their mothers had breast cancer. One survived and the other passed away, but both young women wanted to help other women going through reconstructive surgery.
I still have many appointments scheduled for the next few weeks. I have to undergo a CT scan, a consultation with a GI specialist and a gynecologist/oncologist, as well as additional lab work. I also canceled my appointment with the genetic counselor. My insurance company will not cover the consultation, so I need to explore alternative options.
I am grateful for God because God is good all the time. No matter what life throws at me, I know God will use it for my good and the good of others. To grow my faith, strengthen me, and lead me to be more like his son, Jesus. To spread the good news or just as a lesson in life. Stay focused on God always.
Scarlett
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