The holidays have always been a challenge for me. This time of year led to major depression. As an adult with a family, I never wanted to set up a Christmas Tree or decorate the house. I would do such things right before Christmas Day. I even tried to incorporate new traditions with not much success.The holidays have never been what I had dreamed of as a child or an adult. My favorite part of the holidays is going to church. This is where I found the most peace. Praising and worshiping God. I looked at the world and wondered what had happened to me. Sometimes depression started to set in because of my family, perhaps due to my own high expectations at the time. As a child, my family never prayed before meals or sat at the dinner table. We never talked about what happened during our day or anything happening in our lives. Everyone complained about everything and was very critical. I have looked introspectively and discovered some things about myself. Such as being secretive and hiding who I am because everything I said and anything I did was used against me. I could never be comfortable with who I was created to be. Being criticized about the gifts I purchased has caused me much stress. Giving and generosity were never taught. I had no positive influences in my life, only negativity. I also never understood the love of God, even though I attended church every Sunday. To me, even God was judgmental and punishing. I never truly understood the grace of God. I allowed fear to govern my life.
I thank God for bringing my husband into my life. He has taught me what love and grace look like. He has been patient with me when I was at my worst and stood by me when my health began to fail. Along with God he has been my rock. It has taken many years to overcome my depression but consistently going to bible study and prayer has helped me to see God in a new light.
Stress and negative emotions could have also been a catalyst for my cancer along with my unhealthy diet. I am grateful I am no longer in that place. My life has changed significantly. We eat, pray, and talk about the events of our day. Finding joy in the things I'm doing and trying new things. My life and my expectations have also changed since finding out I had cancer. I now see life differently. I try not to allow little annoyances to bother me too much. I am also trying to step out of my box and experience new things (like this blog). I no longer want to live in a world of secrecy, I don't believe God created me to live this way. I need to continue exploring and developing the talents and skills God has given me.
This Christmas season remember the hope we have in Christ Jesus. Create a gratitude list and ponder the blessings you have been given each day. Even the most basic things as a roof over you head and food to eat, clean drinking water and hot showers. Some things we never even consider and sometimes take for granted.
A good scripture verse to remember also is 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self control. This gives us so much freedom not only personally but socially.
Many Blessing,
Scarlett
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