Praying Through Difficult Times

 Today has been a difficult day.  It seems to me, that the cancer is spreading.  It's hard to not focus on this fact.  As I was getting ready for church this morning my breast seemed larger than normal.  Which is odd for me to notice, since I really never pay much attention to such things.  Yes, I know that I should pay closer attention to such details.  My mind fully believes that I can overcome this, but my body tells me something totally different.  

Church was good, the message was good and the worship team was good.  I love being in the presence of God.  I always feel so much comfort and peace when I focus on him, Jesus.

Sometimes I wonder if it is okay to question God.  I am reminded that God knows every detail of our pain and suffering.  He is everywhere and has a purpose for each of our lives.  Even when we go through suffering, trials and tribulations.  Our faith begins to grow stronger and we are drawn closer to him. 

Today, my husband asked if I wanted to go up for prayer.  Usually, the answer is no not today. I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through.  For what ever reason, today was different.  I requested, our Pastor to pray for me.  My husband and I went into the prayer room where the pastor and prayer team prayed for me and was also placed on the church prayer chain.  I am grateful for the prayer team, at our church.  Such strong, and bold prayer warriors.  They are an amazing group of people.  I had even received text prayers from some.

I feel as if God is moving through this.  It would be a lot easier if God just spoke to me in an audible voice.  Even there, would I recognize it to be God or my own thoughts.  How do I know which way God is leading me?  Through this process, I continue to pray for my family and their salvation.  I pray that they will come to have a deeper understanding of who God is and his steadfast love for them.

Scarlett

An Unclear Future

 

Well, today has been very frustrating.  My surgery has been postponed and I feel as if I am on a roller coaster ride, or the beginning of a nightmare.  

The results of the MRI have lead too more mammograms and ultra sounds.  I was supposed to go in for another biopsy, since the images showed another mass or spots on both breasts.  This has all occurred just one week before I was supposed to go in to have the seed placed.  One week before my surgery.  I couldn't even get an appointment for the biopsy until four weeks after my surgery date.  

My cancer team was able to find another facility for me to have the biopsy done and still have time to continue with the original surgery date. 

The evening prior to going to having the biopsy done, I received a call from the nurse about the possibility of them not being able to do the biopsy. They needed more clarification from my surgeon about the areas needed to be biopsied.  There were three areas on the left breast and one on the right.  They were hoping to get in touch with the surgeon before I arrived the next morning.  Since, we had not received a phone call we got ready and headed for the facility, which was a forty-five minute drive.

I checked in and waited.  Surprised, I was not ask for any information, asked to fill out any paperwork or prepay for services.  I was eventually called and taken to an office in the back.  This is where I was told they were not able to contact the doctor and would not be able to proceed with the procedure.

 Unfortunately, the radiologist did not feel comfortable with the results or conclusions of the radiologist of the original facility and needed a third opinion before proceeding with the biopsy.  It would be great if the results of the original were incorrect, right.  Now I need to wait to see what needs to be done next.  Do I still need the biopsy?  Should I just go with the mastectomy?  The path at this point is not very clear.  This was supposed to be a simple procedure.  Cut and dry...

After the consultation with the doctors. They suggested doing a MRI Biopsy. So they had to move the date of my surgery so they could do a MRI Biopsy.  Unfortunately, the surgery date would need to be moved again.  The only date available for the MRI Biopsy happened to be on the date of my next surgery.  I really don't want to have to postpone the surgery again.  The scheduler did not know how to even schedule the appointment and was concerned about them cancelling the MRI Biopsy again because the scheduling was not correct.  Plus, this procedure was going to take two days.  I called my doctors office to explain what was happening and was not able to talk with anyone.  Finally, the scheduler from my doctors office called me back and told me she would let me know more information Monday morning. Monday morning came and went, no response.  I called again and no response.  

Frustrated I am, yes indeed.

It is difficult to remain patient and calm, since I don't know if the cancer is even spreading or has spread.  Is this a super fast moving cancer?

Right now, I feel scared and unsure of the future.  I feel alone even though I know I am not walking through this alone.  My husband has been extremely supportive in every way imaginable.  I also know that God is working in this situation.

Now I have two appointments scheduled with two different facilities.  My life feels like its up in the air right now.

Scarlett

Pondering Past Hopes

 Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would be diagnosed with cancer.  Even though my sister had cancer.  I never truly understood what it meant or would mean for my own life.  I never had the opportunity to understand what my sister went through.  I wanted to be a part of her journey, but it was too late.  We only had a couple of years to spend with each other.  I wish I could have spent more time with her, but the times we did share are now special to me.  I love her and miss her, even though we had our moments of anger, disagreements and separation. She was strong and beautiful and lived life to the fullest. Most of all she was young.  She was the baby of the family and of course, extremely spoiled in my opinion. I was happy to be able to grant some of her last wishes.

As I write this, I think about my own journey in life and how my choices have brought me joys, struggles, and challenges. How God has walked with me and has even carried me through these times.  Through the hills and valleys of life.

Today, I think about the people in my life and how each one has changed me and helped me to grow into the person I am today. I never thought of myself as a strong person, yet people have told me I am. 

It was hard to tell my family I was diagnosed with cancer, especially my mom.  She took care of my sister and saw what cancer had done to her body. It's never easy to watch your daughter slowly dying and now she has to go through this again with another daughter.  My other sister and son wanted me to keep my diagnosis a secret.  Possibly due to fear, I'm not sure.  How much more devastating would it be to watch someone going through a terminal illness and not know.  No, for me truth is always the best answer.  

My mom was impacted the most by my news.  She just wanted to die and I believe began falling further into a depression, since she never fully got over the death of my sister and dad.  I had to reassure her that my recovery rate was better than that of my sister since the cancer was detected early. I hope and pray this fact remains true.

I had always hoped these types of situations would draw us closer together as a family.  Twice I made this mistake.  Once when my sister passed away and second when my dad passed away.  Both drove everyone further apart.  I always have hope, one day situations like this will draw us closer. I continue to pray for reconciliation for the family. For me, I need God foremost and the support and encouragement from friends and family to beat this disease.  I will always remember my sister saying, "It's all about love, love, love" and the joy she had when she said it.

While most days, I feel as if I'm walking this journey alone, I know in my heart I'm not.  I have God and my husband who are walking with me though this period in my life.

Scarlett

Genetic Testing and a New Perspective

Today, I met with the oncologist and he sent me to see a breast cancer surgeon for a consultation.  Even there my outlook was hopeful, since they had detected the cancer in the early stage.  

So I made my appointment with the cancer surgeon. She discussed  what she saw on the images from the mammogram and biopsy and my options of surgery, the procedure and what she recommended.  I could either have a lumpectomy or mastectomy. She also mentioned doing genetic blood testing to see if there were any mutated genes in the family history, since my sister had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2014. I thought this would be good to know, especially if it was going to affect my children and grandchildren.  I again was hoping and praying that the results would return negative. 

 After waiting for the results of the genetic testing. I got a call from my doctor.  She told me the genes had mutated and that I had a 20 to 30 percent chance of the cancer reoccurring.  She also mentioned that the risk of it reoccurring at my age was slim.  If I was younger, the risk would be greater. Even with the positive result of the genetic testing, it isn't 100% accurate. Now the big question is do I continue with the lumpectomy or mastectomy. 

Before I got the results of the genetic testing I was optimistic about my recovery and the final outcome.  Afterwards, I couldn't believe this was happening.  Why was this happening to me?   I didn't understand.  I finally felt I came to place of truly enjoying my life and retirement. I started volunteering at the food bank and working on my art.  I began to feel I had purpose.  I felt liberated from my past and felt free of my feelings of insecurity and low self-worth.  Why did this have to happen now?  My life was just beginning. Now I feel uncertain about everything in life.  My perspective has changed tremendously.  I believe God will also use this for his glory.  I am grateful for the hope I have in Jesus.  Either way this goes I will be okay.  God has my back.

It's important to remember that genetic testing is just a valuable tool to provide potential risk of cancer reoccurring and to look at other factors such as lifestyle and environmental conditions.

I have really felt God working in this entire process.  It was difficult to hear the results of the tests, but now I could let my family know of the potential risk of developing cancer and hopefully they could be a little more proactive in taking care of their own health. I can't lie it's a hard decision, but I'm trying to take things one step at a time.  Do I have other options?  Maybe???  After careful thought and prayer, my decision was to still continue with the lumpectomy.

Scarlett

The beginning of an Unexpected Journey

 

Hi I'm Scarlett and I have decided to share my journey with breast cancer with you.  

I had put off going to the the doctor for a few years now.  I felt healthy and didn't want to waste time and money to go see a doctor that was only going to tell you that your problem was drinking to much soda or being fat.  

For some unknown reason this year was different.  I felt that I really needed to get a physical.  I had been struggling with weight gain for a couple of years now and was not able to lose the weight.  It didn't matter how much exercise I did or how little I ate.

When my husband went to the doctor for his injured leg, I made the decision to make an appointment to get my yearly physical.  After all, full physicals were covered 100% by our insurance.  Little did I know that this was going to be a series of many tests.

Everything was going as expected.  Everything was flowing smoothly.  All test came back ok except for the mammogram...

I had to go back for another series of images and more images at different angles, plus an ultra sound which came as complete surprise.  The ultra sound did not even reveal a lump or any other sign of cancer.  Although, the doctor was convinced there was a problem. So my next visit was for a biopsy.

I'm not even exactly sure how I felt at that point.  Praying everything would come back negative or that the cancer cell was benign. Praying and hoping that this wasn't happening.

The biopsy was not quite what I was expecting either.  Totally convinced by the medical team that the only thing which really hurt was lying down on the table.  

Yes, the table was uncomfortable.  I was given a local anesthesia to numb the area around my left breast.  Of course, I was fully awake and unable to see the procedure. Not that I really wanted to anyway.  All I could hear was the sound of the machine.  Which did sort of sound like a sewing machine drilling into my breast with a needle scraping tissue to be examined.

Then the moment of truth.  On Friday, June 13th I received the news.  My doctor call and told me I had invasive ductal carcinoma.  The report was urgent and I needed to see an oncologist.  I was scared because I didn't know how severe or what type of breast cancer I had.

This whole process has been so overwhelming.  All the consultations and appointments.  I don't know what to think or what to feel.

Scarlett