Today has been a difficult day. It seems to me, that the cancer is spreading. It's hard to not focus on this fact. As I was getting ready for church this morning my breast seemed larger than normal. Which is odd for me to notice, since I really never pay much attention to such things. Yes, I know that I should pay closer attention to such details. My mind fully believes that I can overcome this, but my body tells me something totally different.
Church was good, the message was good and the worship team was good. I love being in the presence of God. I always feel so much comfort and peace when I focus on him, Jesus.
Sometimes I wonder if it is okay to question God. I am reminded that God knows every detail of our pain and suffering. He is everywhere and has a purpose for each of our lives. Even when we go through suffering, trials and tribulations. Our faith begins to grow stronger and we are drawn closer to him.
Today, my husband asked if I wanted to go up for prayer. Usually, the answer is no not today. I didn't want anyone to know what I was going through. For what ever reason, today was different. I requested, our Pastor to pray for me. My husband and I went into the prayer room where the pastor and prayer team prayed for me and was also placed on the church prayer chain. I am grateful for the prayer team, at our church. Such strong, and bold prayer warriors. They are an amazing group of people. I had even received text prayers from some.
I feel as if God is moving through this. It would be a lot easier if God just spoke to me in an audible voice. Even there, would I recognize it to be God or my own thoughts. How do I know which way God is leading me? Through this process, I continue to pray for my family and their salvation. I pray that they will come to have a deeper understanding of who God is and his steadfast love for them.
Scarlett
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