Side Effect Blues

 

Today has been hard for me. I feel an overwhelming sadness to the point of just wanting to break down and cry. I've prayed and journaled about this feeling. I know I'm not alone on this journey.  God and my family are always with me.  I'm not sure if it's the medication or just life circumstances. Life has been very stressful lately.  My medication could also cause depression and mood swings. I don't like the thought of having to monitor my health for the rest of my life.  I have also had a lot of pain, not only in my breast but also in my leg. Which could also be a side effect of the medication.  I really don't want to have to change drugs and begin all over again. Most of all, I don't want to take another pill for depression.  After all, most medications have side effects, some more terrible than others. My other option is to not take the estrogen blocker and take the chance that the cancer will not recur. Continuing the path to healthy eating, exercise, prayer, and bible study. Which I would prefer. 

I am constantly learning something new about the medication I am taking.  Apparently, one side effect not on the list of side effects is stress urinary incontinence.  Lower estrogen can cause a weakening of the muscles and nerves that control the bladder, along with menopause and obesity.  Although not all women taking anastrozole are affected by stress urinary incontinence.  Fortunately, there are exercises you can do to help strengthen the muscles around the pelvic floor. Knowledge is key, and learning new ways to maintain it is important.

It has also occurred to me that our emotions can also have an effect on our overall health.  I remember hearing many years ago how stress can cause chronic diseases. I believe this to be true; anxiety, anger, unforgiveness, and many other emotions can lead to many health issues.  All of which can lead to depression, alcoholism, drug addiction, and many other vices.  All is a subject for another time.

The good news is I no longer need to go to physical therapy twice a week.  Only once a week for the next three weeks.  I'm ready for this to be finished.  I can do all these stretches at home.  The most important part was the message therapy to my breast to soften the breast tissue and get the blood circulating.  The message also helped with reducing the scar tissue.  It has also been interesting talking to the physical therapists.  I was curious as to why they chose breast reconstruction therapy; both therapist said their mothers had breast cancer.  One survived and the other passed away, but both young women wanted to help other women going through reconstructive surgery.

 I still have many appointments scheduled for the next few weeks.  I have to undergo a CT scan, a consultation with a GI specialist and a gynecologist/oncologist, as well as additional lab work. I also canceled my appointment with the genetic counselor.  My insurance company will not cover the consultation, so I need to explore alternative options.

I am grateful for God because God is good all the time.  No matter what life throws at me, I know God will use it for my good and the good of others.  To grow my faith, strengthen me, and lead me to be more like his son, Jesus. To spread the good news or just as a lesson in life. Stay focused on God always.

Scarlett

Richard & Annette Bloch Cancer Survivors Park

 After dropping off some friends at the airport, we stopped at Papago Park to have lunch and take pictures.  It was a beautiful day, since it had just rained.  On our way home, we noticed a sign for Richard & Annette Bloch Cancer Survivors Park in downtown Phoenix.  We stopped to check it out.  To my dismay, the park was in disrepair, neglected, and vandalized. Some of the bronze plates were missing, and the fountain was not operational (probably due to the homeless).  It had originally been designed to give hope to cancer patients who were recently diagnosed with cancer.  The park was designed to offer hope, instruction, and inspiration to those undergoing cancer. There were three factors present. 1) Was to have a positive mental attitude. 2) Five bronze figures representing fear, hope, and determination. Three bronze figures representing successful treatment. 3) The Road to Recovery, which explained what cancer is and basic actions to successfully overcome the disease.  The bronze statues were created by Victor Salmones as a labor of love.  It is so sad that his work of art was destroyed.

This was a beautiful way to show people that cancer was not a death sentence and there was hope.  It was encouraging and told a story of hope and determination.  That we should never give up, no matter what. I did not even know this park existed.  It was founded by Richard and Annette Bloch after he was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal lung cancer and told he had only three months to live. I thought his story of fighting back and not accepting the diagnosis was very encouraging.  Surviving stage 4 lung cancer is remarkable.

I have met and known so many people who have had different types of cancer and have survived.  I don't think we hear of too many of those stories.  My mom even mentioned the same thing one day. Why don't we hear of people who have survived?  Fortunately, I know many women who have survived breast cancer.  Women who have had either a lumpectomy or a mastectomy.  Having been diagnosed with breast cancer myself and being a survivor has led me to want to know more about the disease.

I think it is important to know everything about the type of cancer you're fighting. To have faith and never give up.  I feel Richard Bloch has a fascinating story and can be read on the website for Richard & Annette Bloch Foundation, and his vision for helping cancer patients.  It is so true that knowledge heals, ignorance kills.

Scarlett

The Oncologist

 I must admit I am struggling emotionally today.  I spoke with my oncologist today, and he shared the results of my genomic testing with me.  Not only do I have the risk of colon cancer, but also pancreatic and ovarian cancer.  Can I ever get a break???  My cholesterol levels are elevated and, of course, my favorite fatty liver. I feel like my health is sliding out of control.  I have changed my diet and have been exercising, but nothing seems to be helping.  My eyesight is also deteriorating.  I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up.  I understand that some of the cancer results are just risks.  My oncologist has also referred me to a genomic counselor to review the test results to help me gain a better understanding of them. Another problem is that my insurance does not cover genetic counseling. Plus, the results of the bone density test.  Apparently, I also have osteopenia, low bone density.  This could lead to osteoporosis. In taking an estrogen blocker, my bone density will need to be monitored more often, and I need to be mindful that it is easier to break a bone. ( I guess playing any type of sport is out) Fortunately, this can be reversed, again through a combination of diet and exercise.  I am seeing a recurring theme here. I also have a referral to a gynecologist/oncologist to check my pelvis and ovaries.  Once again, I need to have those lovely pap smears (Ugh) and lab work to check my pancreas. All of this is quite overwhelming.  My husband is questioning all the testing.  Is it really necessary...

I had my visit with my breast reconstruction surgeon, and he said all restrictions have been lifted.  I can do all the things I did before the surgery.  This has been good news for me.  He also told me I would need to schedule another appointment in six weeks to discuss a second surgery. This surgery was intended to make any changes I wanted, such as adding nipples, removing any scarring, and making my breasts asymmetrical.

I have also begun taking the estrogen blocker Anastrozole.  I am just waiting to see what type of side effects it will have on me.  Hopefully, there should be none, as this medication can cause bone loss. I also need to go back to my original diet before the surgery. I feel as if I'm going down the same path that led me to the cancer. It is so much easier to consume food out of convenience than to prepare a healthier meal.  I need to remain focused on my health and spiritual life rather than what is easy.

Scarlett

Faith in God

 

It has been seven weeks since my surgery.  I am finally able to sleep on my side.  I am so excited! No more bed wedges, recliners, or just plain sleeping on my back. I am finally able to turn. Yeah!!!  I know this is a small win, but I'll take it.  I don't even feel as much pain getting out of bed each morning.  Although I have been experiencing some pain in the left side of my abdomen whenever I bend or move in certain positions.

I went to physical therapy today and discussed this with my therapist.  When she examined my abdomen, she said it could be an air pocket.  How could this happen? I wondered.  She massaged my abdomen, arms, and breasts. She checked my wounds and said everything was looking good.  I then finished my PT with my usual stretches.

I had always thought physical therapy was a waste of time and money.  Plus, the drive was long for the amount of time I was there.  I now see the benefits of going, even though I felt it was inconvenient.  I can see how important it is for overall health and healing.  I have really been trying to do exactly what the doctors tell me to do.  

Going through breast cancer has helped me to see how diet and exercise are important in my overall health.  I have attempted to teach young children about healthy eating habits and exercise for years, but I have never practiced eating healthy myself.  I was always active, but over the past several years, not so much.  I started to consume more food than I exercised and gained so much weight, even to the point of being considered obese.  I can't even say I felt good being overweight.  From my understanding, this is one of the leading reasons for certain types of cancer. Obesity can lead to the production of increased insulin, inflammation, and estrogen. Too much estrogen is what fed my cancer.

A couple of years ago, I started investigating the reasons why my metabolism had slowed down.  I might have developed insulin resistance, so I started intermittent fasting. Not even realizing how insulin resistance affected many areas of the body, including diabetes. I thought I would have developed diabetes long before cancer.  I always felt I had the symptoms of diabetes, but testing for diabetes always came back negative. Thank God, I'm not sure which would be worse, cancer or diabetes.

 I am still working on eating healthier and exercising, praying daily and studying my bible.  I think these are the core foundations of a lifestyle change I need to continue in my life.  My faith in God has brought me much hope in the healing process. God continues to walk with me daily, and I know I would never have been able to get through this time without God and my family. Prayers from my church family have also been crucial to my healing. Through my church family I have been able to experience the love of Christ.

Scarlett